Category: Food
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My Cheese-o-meter
For the best sensation, please read this post at room temperature.
What’s so special about the cheesemakers?
Well, obviously it’s not meant to be taken literally. It refers to any manufacturers of dairy products.
Now, I’m going to milk this for all it’s worth, but I would question the last sentence. I’m going to stick to cheese. Not literally, of course. That would be messy and smelly. Always wash your hands after operating cheese.
I’m going to stick to cheese, metaphorically - for the benefit of the cheeseless.
[@davidmarsden](https://micro.blog/davidmarsden) I am still waiting, cheeseless.
Cheeseboard Disclaimer
While I don’t consider myself to be any kind of big cheese - I’m not a cheese authority or cheese expert - I’m perfectly qualified to write a cheesy summary of my life in cheese.
Please note that I am not affiliated to the Cheese Marketing Board, and clicking any of the links in this post will not help to feed my hungry cheese-loving children.
Cheese-o-meter
Without further fondue, here’s my Cheese List.
- Triple Gloucester. The elusive holy grail of cheeses. From Gloucester.
- Double Gloucester. If you have trouble finding Triple Gloucester, then you can’t go wrong with its populist sibling Double. Trump-like appearance, but that doesn’t mean it’s not a vote-winner. Biden-like quality: good all-rounder, mild, creamy, child-friendly, goes with most things, melts easily. Oily. Used in cheese rolling competitions. From Gloucester.
- Single Gloucester. Pale and aloof, Double’s estranged half-sister. From Gloucester.
- Mature Cheddar. Hard, white, crumbles under pressure. The epitome of Englishness in cheese form. Ideal in a cheese and tomato sandwich, or a Ploughman’s lunch. Mixes well (grated) with Double Gloucester. From Cheddar.
- Vintage Mature Cheddar. See 4, but harder, whiter and crumblier.
- Mild Cheddar. See 4, but less pale, slightly softer, and less crumbly. Almost tasteless. Pointless waste of milk.
- Red Leicester. Underrated cheese. Red. Makes a fine cheese sauce for cauliflower or macaroni. Makes a great topping for a Shepherd’s Pie (better than mixing Cheddar and Gloucester - Gloucester can get a bit oily). From Leicester.
- Wensleydale. White, crumbly. Perfect with a mince pie. From Wensleydale.
- Lancashire, Lincolnshire, Cheshire. Lumping these all together not because they’re are all the same, but because it’s so long since I tried them I can’t remember what they are like. From Lancashire, Lincolnshire and Cheshire.
- Gouda. Sliced foreign cheese. Kids eat it.
- Edam. A very special Dutch cheese which is made backwards. Don’t eat the rind!
- Jarlsberg. Sliced foreign cheese. Full of holes.
- Emmental. Stringy cheese. Good for toasties and the bin.
- Swiss cheese. American cheese. From Switzerland.
- Brie. Fancy French cheese. Round, rindy, soft and stinky. Nice with a cracker.
- Camembert. See 16. It’s like no cheese I’ve ever tasted.
- Blue cheese. French. Mouldy. No thanks.
- Stilton. See 18. Not French. From Stilton.
- Ricotta. Soft, creamy. Perfect with spinach on a pizza, or better still in a calzone at Pizza World.
- Mozzarella. On a pizza.
- Mascarpone. In a cheesecake. Not a cake.
- Halloumi. Fried. On its own or with olives, hummus, pitta. From Cyprus.
- Feta. Greek salad. From Greece.
- Cottage cheese. My Mum loves it. From a cottage. From-age?
- Goats’ cheese. From goats.
- Sheep’s cheese. See 26, but from sheep.
- Parmesan. Baby sick.
- Smegma. You don’t want to know where it’s from. One of the first bands I was in at school was called The Amgems. We weren’t as good or as funny as we thought we were.
- Lung cheese.
Not the most attractive presentation, but it’s all about the taste sensation.
Cheddar on the left. Wensleydale on the right.
I thought I’d done great with these pizzas, but big kid ate only three slices (he can usually eat all eight) and spat out his salami, little kid said he doesn’t like the sauce (it’s out of a tin, the same he usually eats), and the missus said hers was burnt and inedible (although she still ate it).
Scored this bag of Akash Gold at the local Tesco Express.
Light and fluffy indeed.
Chilli sans carne was amazing.
Big kid gave the rice 11/10.
Handed my four year old a slice of ham for his lunch.
“Yay! Pink chicken!”
Now we know what he meant yesterday when he turned his nose up at spicy chicken and said “I like pink chicken!”
Spuds Up!
We harvested the last three of eleven potato bags at the weekend. A decent crop, and very tasty.
Highlights were regular watering and earthing up (using homegrown compost) with my kids, and big kid’s tenth birthday party where his friends got to (among other fun activities) harvest the first three bags and take home a potato bag each.
Fond memories of going potato picking with my mum in the Lincolnshire Wolds in the early 1970s.
Unusually productive morning.
- taught big kid how to convert fractions into decimals and percentages and vice versa
- voted for Mayor of London, constituency London Assembly Member and London-wide member
- bought some fruit and brown baps
- collected big kid’s prescriptions and recycled his expired epipens
- got six freshly baked garlic naans from my local naan shop
- got some decent exercise
Nine year old said he wanted to grow some potatoes, so we planted chitted seed potatoes in bags tonight.
He said he didn’t know it was so much work!
Dishing It Out
Following on from the pots and pans incident, my wife has decreed that the bamboo plates and bowls I bought as child-safe alternatives to our regular crockery are in fact likely coated with melamine and, therefore, toxic.
She’s probably right, although only for hot food. I had noticed that my hot food tasted a bit funny using these, but I think they’re fine for sandwiches and such.
She claims her eggs taste better (“like childhood”) cooked in our new stainless steel frying pan. I used it to cook an omelette for the first time yesterday, and it was undoubtedly the best omelette I’ve ever tasted. Is that possible?