Wife has returned home after being abducted by aliens (scroll down past the football).

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CURRICULUM VITAE (HOCUS POCUS)

Inevitably, my time as a Manchester University player came to end, and I left the club by mutual consent when my contract ended. Somewhat bizarrely, looking back on it, I joined what appeared to be an obscure and tiny religious cult in the middle of nowhere (deepest, darkest Lincolnshire), dabbling in some rather questionable therapy / witchcraft. My role was primarily as Administrator with responsibility for making sense of the almost entirely lacking paperwork, contracts, and financial arrangements of the company (?

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TEACHERS

Yesterday morning, I was sat in the foyer of my little kid’s children’s centre waiting for the staff to arrive so he could start his day. He was eager to get in, banging on the locked doors to the main part of the nursery. In my day, the kids would be trying to get out, not in. Some other parents, younger than me, commented the same. Everyone recounted some particularly, sadistic child-hating teacher who regularly brutalised them or some other poor unfortunate during their formative years.

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CURRICULUM VITAE (AD ABSURDUM)

I spent most of my three years ‘working’ in Manchester down the pub. When I was in my shared smoke-filled office, I was more often than not playing a very early demo of football manager (four free seasons, on repeat), or compiling a regular comedy fanzine for the five-a-side footy team I helped to found and run. They were crazy and fun times. Every other weekend, I got a train back to Lincolnshire for band rehearsals, recordings and occasional gigs.

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CURRICULUM VITAE (AD NAUSEAM)

After failing to become the next George Harrison, I spent three years idling around, getting into trouble, and generally not knowing what to do with myself. I had some summer jobs working on a local farm stacking straw bales on to lorries from Cockermouth, feeding turkeys, and working in the grain barn (doing what I can’t remember, although I do remember not being able to breathe because of all the dust).

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365

It’s my 365 day ‘anniversary’ on micro.blog. When I moved here last year, it was in the wake of the X-ification of Twitter, the exodus to Mastodon, and generally wanting to start blogging/writing again. I’m still on Twitter/X, and left Mastodon to move. I did start blogging a bit more to begin with, but that soon tailed off to nothing, as it always does. I did try to interact with the micro.

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TORYBOY

ToryBoy The Movie is the account of filmmaker John Walsh’s disillusionment with what he saw as the corruption, lies, hypocrisy and general incompetence of Blair’s Labour government, and his conversion to the Conservative (Tory) Party general election candidate for Middlesbrough in 2010. Under his own steam and £15,000 of his own money, John found his opponent, Sir Stuart Bell, the serial incumbent Labour MP, invisible and unknown to his local constituents who nevertheless voted him back in every four or five years (albeit with an ever diminishing majority).

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WRITING TO MY MP: ICJP - COMPLICITY IN WAR CRIMES

Adapted from this template letter. Dear Mr Sharma, My esteemed representative: I write to you today with a heavy heart, weighed down by the profound disappointment I feel in your recent actions. Your unwavering support for Israel, despite its blatant disregard for international law and its commission of war crimes, has cast a shadow over your impartiality and your ability to hold office effectively. The recent decision by the International Centre of Justice for Palestinians (ICJP) to serve written notice to Rishi Sunak and Keir Starmer of their intention to prosecute UK governmental officials for their role in aiding and abetting Israeli war crimes has sent shockwaves through our nation.

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CURRICULUM VITAE (REPETITUM)

Following on from my success delivering the news to my local community, I took a break from the world of (very part-time) work to focus on… playing in my first bands. And learning to play the guitar. Much of which came at the expense of any interest in or motivation to study, or revise for ‘O’ Levels, and later ‘A’ Levels. Living in a small rural market town, some of my friends, and my own younger brother, in fact, had Saturday jobs bush beating - literally (as far as I know) beating bushes to encourage game birds to fly to their sporting deaths.

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CURRICULUM VITAE

I’ve had a long and winding career in the fields of work and education. At one time, I was doing quite well, but it all got a bit too much and it’s been a bit of a struggle since. Which is a shame, because it would have been nice if things had turned out better. I was never really suited to work. It’s almost always felt like a real imposition, a drag, and a massive downer.

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Last night, I watched ToryBoy The Movie. This morning, I watched unelected former Tory Prime Minister and Jewish National Fund patron David Cameron become the UK’s new Foreign Secretary.

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DISHING IT OUT

Following on from the pots and pans incident, my wife has decreed that the bamboo plates and bowls I bought as child-safe alternatives to our regular crockery are in fact likely coated with melamine and, therefore, toxic. She’s probably right, although only for hot food. I had noticed that my hot food tasted a bit funny using these, but I think they’re fine for sandwiches and such. She claims her eggs taste better (“like childhood”) cooked in our new stainless steel frying pan.

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Bit of a damp squib today, but eleven years ago these were the scenes the morning after Diwali.

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Into our seventh hour of relentless fireworks. Happy Diwali in Little India. 🎆

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BEER NIGHTS IN

I didn’t drink all of these beers in one sitting, or, in fact, any of them on Friday afternoon, prior to the school run. Friday night I had a couple of the light beers. Steeplechase Pale Ale: far too citrusy for my taste. Deco WCIPA: another one far too citrusy for my taste. Accompanying snacks made them drinkable. Saturday night I had a couple of the dark beers. I had a feeling I would like these even less, but…

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The last three movies I watched all had the same ending: a daughter reunited with her father. 🍿 Blader Runner 2049. Blonde. 12 Years A Slave.

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Where we’re at. “Humans are complex and flawed.” “Nazis were only human.” “Hamas are animals and must be slaughtered.” “Palestinians don’t count.”

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Beer o’clock.

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HEY DAVID

Our contract with Plusnet for telephone landline and (not full) fibre broadband ends on 25 November. I started looking around for cheaper and/or better alternatives back in August. Not that there was anything wrong with Plusnet’s service. In fact, compared to Sky and TalkTalk, they’re bloody brilliant. But end of contract time usually means either a hike in price to stay loyal, or finding a new provider that offers new customers a better deal than its existing customers.

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DOCTOR'S ORDERS

My local pharmacy: Come and get your FREE flu jab! Me: My local pharmacy: Come and get your FREE flu jab! Me: I’ve come for my FREE flu jab. My local pharmacy: That will be £16.95, please. Me: I’ve got two text messages from you telling me it’s free. My local pharmacy: Are you pregnant? On dialysis? Undergoing heart surgery? Me: My local pharmacy: Do you have asthma? Me: Bingo!

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ERROR 55 - INTERNAL COMMUNICATION PROBLEM

Boss: Can you order a new printer for the office? Me: Sure. orders a new printer for the office Office: Did you order a new printer for the office? It’s arrived. Me: Yes, I’ll come over and set it up. Office: No need, we already moved the printer from the other office. And we have a tech person coming in Monday to set it up.

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BREAK IN TRANSMISSION

Last week’s swimming lesson was cancelled, and the week before that, we went away for half-term. To a very wet and wild north-east Lincolnshire right by the sea (or the Humber Estuary). With no wifi, and very poor data connectivity. In a tin can caravan. But we all had fun, and the kids got to spend time with their grandparents who live nearby. And use their wifi. On the night before we left I met up with a couple of my oldest and best friends, Murray and Aaron, who I hadn’t seen for ten (Aaron) and thirty (!

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After more than three weeks of Israel’s “targeted” bombing of Hamas in Gaza, Starmer claims that a ceasefire now “would leave Hamas with the infrastructure and the capabilities to carry out the sort of attack we saw on October 7.”

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ANY OLD POTS AND PANS?

Following on from the successful installation of our new front door (which my wife is now quite happy with), we now have new stainless steel pots and pans to replace the old and “dangerous” non-stick pans we had before. My wife “read something on the internet” which said that the non-stick coatings are toxic, and so that that was the end of the matter. Still, they are very nice new pans, even if a little more care is needed when using them to cook and clean.

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FRANK

Frank was my great grandfather on my dad’s side. I only met him a couple of times. One time, me and my brother were made to wear the most ridiculous and embarrassing outfits, and we just felt very uncomfortable and ill-at-ease meeting this very old man from another time. He was born in the early 1901. So he must have been 80 or so when we met him. Not so old these days, but back then he really was like a dinosaur, or a fossil.

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