2023

DISHING IT OUT

Following on from the pots and pans incident, my wife has decreed that the bamboo plates and bowls I bought as child-safe alternatives to our regular crockery are in fact likely coated with melamine and, therefore, toxic. She’s probably right, although only for hot food. I had noticed that my hot food tasted a bit funny using these, but I think they’re fine for sandwiches and such. She claims her eggs taste better (“like childhood”) cooked in our new stainless steel frying pan.

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TOO MUCH PRESSURE

Inevitably, as I sit here in the cafe next to my son’s swimming lesson, unable to drink coffee because the cafe is permanently closed, my mind wanders and starts thinking about coffee. For most of my adult life, I’ve started the day with a cup of tea. Regular English breakfast tea. PG Tips, Tetley. Milk and sugar. Tea was always my preferred drink, but I did like a cup of instant coffee or two later in the morning, but only if it was one I liked.

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BOLOGNESE!

Last week, we had a new front door fitted. That morning, I took it upon myself to prepare a bolognese before the doormen arrived so that we didn’t need to get in each other’s way, and so that we had something to eat for lunch for the next few days. I make my bolognese in a 12" frying pan and cover it with a grease splatter fine mesh to let it cook slowly for a few hours.

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This is why I’m always frothing at the mouth.

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First salad of the Sum…, er, Spring.

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Baked bread with my little kid using my pizza dough recipe (substituted wholemeal flour for white flour). Turned out nice enough that we both ate it.

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Mmm… 🥦🥬🥕🇮🇪☘️

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Sarnie. White rye bread with caraway seeds, salt beef, celeriac remoulade, pickled gherkins.

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Good enough to eat!

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Waiting for my 🍕 dough to rise…

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HP sauce in the gravy adds a sweetness and edge to the pie. The carrots and leeks roasted together are sweet and sharp, too. Little kid cried when I gave him some on his plate. He had his favourite chicken pie instead.

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Grated cheese to top my Shepherd’s Pie*. Got into the habit of always using a mix of extra mature Cheddar and Double Gloucester. *Might be a Cottage Pie

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Frying chips. First batch done.

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2022

Blended and warmed up leftover roasted carrots and parsnips with steamed sprouts, added instant onion gravy (in the absence otherwise of onion and garlic), salt, pepper, cumin and garam masala. Surpringly tasty with a swirl of cream.

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Roasting: ❌ Turkey ✅ Chicken legs ✅ Pigs in blankets ✅ Stuffing ✅ Parsnips ✅ Carrots ✅ Potatoes Chopped and ready to boil for mashing: ✅ Potatoes Ready to steam: ✅ Sprouts Chilling: ✅ San Leo Prosecco DOC Still frozen: ✅ Aunt Bessie’s Yorkshire Puddings

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First mince pie of the season!

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SPECIAL XMAS LUNCH MENU

Starter: Seasonal Word Soup Main course: Roast Gobbledegook with all the trimmings including sage and EU stuffing balls Dessert: Traditional lemon biscuit Christmas Lunch Special Diet Option for Non Special Diet Registered Pupils Our catering company is offering a Christmas Lunch and for pupils who do not normally use the service and have an allergy but would like to take part in the Christmas lunch the below options are available.

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Yesterday’s chilli today. 🌶️

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Pizza is in the oven. Can finally sit down and relax for ten minutes.

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I got my 🍕 dough dough risin'. Forgot to say that I feed my yeast with malt extract rather than sugar…

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Proving my yeast, and mixing pasta flour with semolina flour, strong white bread flour, dark rye flour (first time I’ve tried this), salt and olive oil.🍕

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Making pizza today, so defrosting some fresh yeast. Meantime, it’s breakfast. Egg and home fries for me. Weetabix for the little one, and bagel for the big one. Big one is in the bathroom feeling nauseous because of the smell of smoked paprika.

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I added a few finely chopped and fried onion pieces to my home fries for brunch. Must remember to try using smoked paprika next time.

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I’m about to eat a yum yum.

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2021

STRAWBERRIES FOR PIGS?

Little did we know at the time, but these little strawberries were usually engulfed in a toxic plume of benzene, naphthalene, and god only knows what else. Sensibly, the wife refused to eat them. We later discovered that official planning documents for the nearby old gasworks, which was being dug up in the open air for new homes to be built on the contaminated land, stated that no vegetables should be grown on the land.

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