3 days into my new job. Company policy says staff must remain upbeat. Loving every single minute of my return to wage slavery.

Baby son is one month old. Feels like we’ve had him five minutes and forever.

Wife: “I don’t like the words. I don’t like the music. You sound like a hooligan. I couldn’t care less about fucking Jimmy Carter.”

Teaching REM’s The One I Love to 7 yr old.

Had to change the words to ‘The One-Eyed Bug’.

Wife says we should have named our cat Bjork.

Because she’s small, cute and makes funny noises.

Eating cold turkey, ham, pork pie, Lincolnshire sausage and haslet. Reminiscing about pig’s chap, chine and brawn.

Why are toasters and smoke alarms still so stupid?

My back is killing me and I’m practically crippled after being out in the rain all day training and coaching.

Thanks to FA 1st Aid trainer Richard Barnes for relating the story of how he had his left wrist cut through to the bone and dangling off.

Doing homework for the FA coaching course I’m on. Last night I suffered the ignominy of fainting during the bloody bit of the 1st Aid class.