I’m about to eat a yum yum.

Is this thing on?

“Mum, passing me a small parcel wrapped in Xmas paper: ‘I didn’t get you anything for Xmas.’

Me: ‘What’s this then?’

Mum: ‘Oh, just socks.'”

Had hearing test on Friday. 20% hearing loss in left ear. Ear canal is wafer thin in places, meaning wax build up. That, or a brain tumour.

12 week old son just laughed properly for the first time. Now he can’t stop.

3 days into my new job. Company policy says staff must remain upbeat. Loving every single minute of my return to wage slavery.

Baby son is one month old. Feels like we’ve had him five minutes and forever.

Wife: “I don’t like the words. I don’t like the music. You sound like a hooligan. I couldn’t care less about fucking Jimmy Carter.”

Teaching REM’s The One I Love to 7 yr old.

Had to change the words to ‘The One-Eyed Bug’.

Wife says we should have named our cat Bjork.

Because she’s small, cute and makes funny noises.