No Future in England's Dreaming? Inside the Mind of Fabio Capello
Fabio Capello’s master plan to take England to the World Cup final is finally taking shape.
On the evidence seen so far, truly it is something of a fantasy.
The sorry bunch of posers (Wayne Rooney, our only hope and Sid Vicious-like talisman ready to self-destruct at any moment, excepted) that represent our once proud nation may fail even to qualify for the ‘It’s A Knockout’ stages let alone reach the final for what would be our finest hour-and-half (plus extra-time and penalties, if needed) for 44 years.
If by some bloody miracle we do reach the final, I just hope we don’t live to regret not thinking about a master plan to actually win it.
But our preparations - highlights of which include being thoroughly outplayed at Wembley by Mexico and only winning by virtue of having taller players and then today in Austria being thoroughly outplayed by the equally diminutive Japan and only winning by virtue of two fortuitous own goals - are now over.
Even if he won’t be singing God Save The Queen, at least Capello now knows who his 23 will be. Here, I can exclusively reveal who they will be and why.
In goal
In reverse order, building from the back as all England teams do, Capello already knew who his three goalkeepers would be.David James, who has made something of a career littered with often hilarious yet calamitous mistakes (which must give hope for the future to Ben Foster), was first choice until his injury at Portsmouth allowed Rob Green, who seems to be compiling his own personal back catalogue of often hilarious yet calamitous mistakes, to take over.
Ironically, the best of the lot could be the young but inexperienced third choice Joe Hart.
While I think Capello must have been tempted by James’s much greater experience, I think he will stick with Rob Green to start knowing that he has capable back up if needed due to loss of form, injury or suspension.
1 Robert GREEN
At the back
Lazily rolling the ball out to the defence, Capello knows his preferred back four of Glen Johnson, captain Rio Ferdinand, John Terry and Ashley Cole, the two Chelsea players competing for the role of Johnny Rotten.The question is, how does he balance the ideal of having like-for-like back up while making sure he has enough options to cover for lack of form and fitness after injury?
That will depend to some extent on Gareth Barry’s injury as he would be the natural choice to cover for Ashley Cole and a better option, if fit, than the specialist left back Leighton Baines, who has looked out of his depth at this level.
2 Glen JOHNSON 3 Ashley COLE 4 Gareth BARRY 5 Rio FERDINAND 6 John TERRY
In the middle
Calmly passing the ball out to the midfield, again Capello knows his first choice is for Frank Lampard to partner Gareth Barry in the middle, with Steven Gerrard and Theo Walcott out wide.With Barry’s injury it’s likely that Gerrard will be asked to fill in centrally in preference to an out-of-sorts Michael Carrick or the impressive but still inexperienced James Milner, who will be trusted to take Gerrard’s starting place on the left in England’s first game against the USA.
7 Theo WALCOTT 8 Frank LAMPARD
Up front
Desperately hoofing the ball up to the forwards now and giving the ball away, bizarrely we once again have the lovely Emile Heskey as our first choice centre forward.It’s like being back in 2002 all over again, except that back then Heskey was just a lumbering hulk of long-ball fodder who couldn’t score a goal even if you put it in front of him and offered him £50,000 a week.
Heskey’s England career, like Gareth Barry’s of course, was reconstructed by former England manager and still object of derision (mostly for being so wet, despite sensibly opting for an umbrella to keep the rain off while his England team failed not to lose their must-not-lose game against Croatia) Steve McClaren.
Even so, Heskey is believed to be Rooney’s preferred strike partner, presumably because he makes him look even better.
9 Emile HESKEY 10 Wayne ROONEY 11 Steven GERRARD
Left back at home
I think Capello must have been tempted to take only three specialist, but versatile central defenders as cover - King (who can also play a holding role in midfield), Jamie Carragher (who can cover both full-back roles as just as badly as centre back) and Matt Upson (who could conceivably cover at left-back if needed).The advantage of taking Baines as well is that even if we had three players out with injury or suspension we would still have a defender on the bench.
But Capello must surely think that better options, in the unlikely event they are even needed, are the versatility of Michael Carrick, who has played a central defensive role a couple of times for United and James Milner, who can fill in on either flank as a full-back. Christ, I’d rather have Gerrard and Rooney at full back than Baines.
Stephen Warnock and Michael Dawson are untested alternatives, and I don’t see the point of Leighton Baines, so I don’t see how Capello can either.
12 David JAMES 13 Jamie CARRAGHER 14 Ledley KING 15 Matt UPSON
Passed out
The other benefit of not taking Leighton Baines is that it frees up a place for a more attack-minded player.While Capello has a had a good look at Tom Huddlestone, who has played well for Spurs this season, I think he will miss out along with Scott Parker who was the injury reserve, and stick with the experience of Michael Carrick, despite his fairly miserable recent run of form.
Aaron Lennon is the preferred like-for-like replacement for Walcott.
16 Aaron LENNON 17 Michael CARRICK 18 James MILNER
Bent over
Peter Crouch and Jermain Defoe were always certainties to go and Darren Bent never really had a chance.19 Peter CROUCH 20 Jermain DEFOE
Tossed off
Joe Cole, who must think he looks more and more like a fat Joe Cole with every pie he eats, offers experienced and creative cover in any attacking midfield role.That leaves exciting new boy Adam Johnson fighting for a place with his little big-club team-mate Shaun Wright-Phillips, who, like Glenn Matlock, can feel a little hard done by.
Just like at City, expect Johnson, who can genuinely play on either wing, to get the nod in the potential-matchwinner-who-won’t-even-get-on role.
21 Joe COLE 22 Adam JOHNSON 23 Joe HARTSo there you have it, to put you out of your misery two days early.
Thank me in the comments.