Kids on David Marsden

Wed, 03 Jun 2026 10:08:00 +0100

Little kid saw a sign advertising the purchase of National Lottery tickets outside the corner shop by his school this morning which read:

PLAY HERE

I tried to explain to him that it wasn’t a kids' play space, but an invitation for grown-ups to play on online game (but nothing fun or challenging like Geometry Dash or Roblox), but where, instead, all you have to do is pick six numbers, and if you are lucky — if you are insanely lucky — you could win millions of pounds, if you pick the “right” numbers. Or you might win ten pounds. Or more likely nothing at all.

Live at the Counter Eurovision '79

Sat, 16 May 2026 23:42:41 +0100

“without the knowledge of your history you cannot determine your destiny”

Forty-seven years ago, Misty In Roots played at the Counter Eurovision rock festival in Brussels, in response to the Eurovision song contest being held that year in Jerusalem, and in solidarity with the Palestinian people.

Less than a month later, Blair Peach was murdered by the British police on the streets of Southall while defending the town from the National Front.

Ealing Council allowed the march of the fascists to go ahead despite a 10,000-strong petition from local people opposing it.

Clarence Baker, Misty In Roots' manager, was violently assaulted by police that day and left in a coma for five months.

Organist Vernon Hunt was jailed for six months on trumped up charges. He was so broken by this experience of state oppression that he never rejoined the band.

Today the British government allowed another fascist march in London on the anniversary of the Palestinian Nakba.

Today I dragged my 11 year old down to the Dominion Centre and Library in Southall to meet Misty In Roots in the entrance foyer and learn a little history.

The Dominion Centre is the site of the former Dominion Theatre where Blair Peach’s lifeless body lay “in state” for six weeks while thousands visited to pay their last respects.

This iconic photo of Misty In Roots outside the entrance now hangs in the National Portrait Gallery.

We came home with a signed limited edition red vinyl copy of arguably the best live album ever recorded. We spoke to some very nice people. And we bumped into my friend Happy.

And we met Poko, Kazi and Tunga from the band.

“if you’re not conscious of the present you’re like a cabbage in this society”

Sat, 16 May 2026 21:49:47 +0100

A proud dad moment yesterday.

Little kid’s year group had their annual “Dancing with Don” day — learning and rehearsing all morning, and culminating in a performance for parents in the school hall at the end of the school afternoon.

Halfway way through the show, my lad took centre stage.

To everyone’s surprise and delight, and especially mine and his mum’s, he performed a Michael Jackson moonwalk!

The Magic Faraway Tree

Mon, 06 Apr 2026 15:15:30 +0100

Took my boys to see The Magic Faraway Tree. 📺

I always remembered my favourite primary school teacher reading The Enchanted Wood and The Magic Faraway Tree just before home time every day. I loved the idea of climbing up through the clouds into a new magical land. I’ve had my head in the clouds ever since!

My boys both enjoyed me and their mum reading the books to them, too. That’s so long ago for big kid now that he didn’t want to go to the cinema and miss out on his “device time”. So he was very pleasantly surprised and amused to find himself laughing out loud all the way through. He particularly enjoyed the school/prison scene which he said was “just like” his high school, haha!

Little kid got very excited/frightened when little Fran(nie) got stuck in the Land of Goodies and he thought she might not make it back to the ladder the the Magic Faraway Tree in time. He was shaking and jumping up and down in his deluxe reclining viewing chair. Later, he leaned over to me, clawing at me. I put my arm around him and tried to comfort him.

“Are you all right?”

I asked.

“I want to eat.”

He said.

“You want to leave?”

I asked, doing my best Saucepan Man impression.

" I want to eat, silly."

“You want your feet up?”

“DAD! I’M HUNGRY!!!

I magicked a bag of his favourite cheese and onion crisps from the darkness.

I found the whole thing very charming, funny, and really quite emotional.

I wished I’d brought more tissues with me, but it turned out that I had just enough in the end.

Sat, 04 Apr 2026 19:00:10 +0100

Little kid came over to me, sat on my knee and gazed lovingly into my eyes.

Smiling sweetly at me, he gently stroked my forehead and said:

You’re even more bald than I thought!

Wed, 01 Apr 2026 17:12:43 +0100

Little kid has been finding, photographing and naming plants at school, so we did a little homework this afternoon.

He knows what a daisy looks like, but he thought that dandelions were sunflowers. “How does the lion get in?” he asked.

Pictured: Red Robin. Dark Star. Purple Archangel.

The Art of the Deal

Fri, 06 Mar 2026 22:32:00 +0100

Evolution of negotiations with my little kid during the last week:

Me: it’s time to stop gaming now.

Little kid: * throws gaming device across floor, attempts to decapitate me with a kung fu kick to the head *

Me: how about you get in the bath, count to ten, and then you can get out?

LIttle kid: TWENTY! Twenty and I’m in!

Me: hey, do you want to make a deal and get in the bath?

Little kid: ok. I’m in.

Trigger warning.

David Marsden https://davidmarsden.info/2026/02/08/trigger-warning.html

Sun, 08 Feb 2026 10:02:22 +0100

Trigger warning.

Fri, 23 Jan 2026 21:27:44 +0100

Little kid is back into space big time again. He’s been playing Universe Sandbox and watching all the associated videos. He keeps going off on long and technical descriptions of planets and their orbits, ending up by describing a planet that is “habibabububble”. It’s reached the point very quickly now where he does it deliberately and purely for laughs. It’s our favourite in-house stand-up running joke.

Today, on another matter entirely, I was interviewed by a proper journalist about a massive housing development in Southall. After my usual rambling spiel about broken promises and toxic land, I said, “One question you might want to ask the developers and the council is how many affordable homes there will be. Because in the planning permission it’s not clear at all. In fact, they don’t mention affordable homes at all, only rooms that are habibabububble.”

Wed, 14 Jan 2026 12:05:37 +0100

Little kid’s shadow.

Wed, 14 Jan 2026 11:41:09 +0100

I know it’s been said before about Donald Trump, that he’s like a six year old child, but this morning I heard one of little kid’s new classmates talking and bragging about his xmas presents. He even had Trump’s distinctive New York accent (which at first I thought he must be mimicking, but it must be where he lived before he moved here).

“I gotta Nintendo Switch. It’s VERY GOOD. Nintendo Switch TOO. Better than Windows. Windows is VERY BAD. If anyone steals my Switch, I’m gonna STEAL THEM. I’m gonna take out their EYEBALLS!”.

Big Kid and the Umbrella

Fri, 09 Jan 2026 21:55:33 +0100

Big kid had lots of big ideas.

He wanted a big house so all his friends and family could stay and play together.

He wanted a big school so everyone could learn everything they needed to know.

He wanted a big hospital so that everyone could get the help they needed when they needed it.

But most of all, he wanted a big umbrella. In particular, he wanted his granny’s umbrella that she was going to throw away. The umbrella was very old, like an antique. In fact, it was Grandad’s old umbrella. Grandad had sadly died when big kid was a baby. He had cancer. Even though it was very old, and very dusty, big kid really wanted this umbrella. It was a shame to throw it away. And at school they had learned all about reusing old things and not sending them to landfill sites that poison the earth. And it was part of his family’s heritage. And, oh my god, it was BIG! It was a golf umbrella. Not that Grandad played any golf. But he did go on lots of walks in the rain to fetch things for Granny and get him out from under her feet. And now big kid could walk to school and back in the rain without needing to wear a big bulky coat that he would have to carry around with him all day. It would be perfect!

Big kid pleaded with Granny and his mum and dad, and eventually got his way (mum didn’t want “more junk in the house”, so the umbrella lives outside in the communal stairway). Granny is very pleased, and dad gets to use the umbrella, too, sometimes, when he collects little kid in the rain. It’s much better than those silly little umbrellas that snap and collapse in the wind and barely keep your shoulders dry.

Big kid is now very popular at school when it rains at home time. He’s always late home as he provides a sheltered taxi service home to all his friends. They all huddle together under his big umbrella and they walk each other home until he’s the last one and he walks home with his big umbrella all to himself.

Here’s where the story ends.

But in a parallel universe, big kid’s big umbrella becomes a source of envy. Bigger kids want it, and one big kid in particular has no problem taking it. He moves in, full of superficial charm, “Hey kid, nice umbrella! Wow, that’s such a big umbrella, kid. It would be perfect to keep me and my friends dry when it rains. Here, have some Haribos. They’re Tangtastic, your favourites. Let’s walk home together with my friends.”

Bigger kid has lots of stories to tell about how much better he is than everyone else, and, in particular, how much worse everyone else is, and why. “But me and you, we’re the same. We have my Haribos and my big umbrella. We’re a team!”

Big kid doesn’t really know what’s happening but he goes along with it because he doesn’t really have any choice. Bigger kid could just take his umbrella and leave him in the rain to get wet. Bigger kid could take away his Haribos. Big kid’s friends no longer talk to him, but that’s ok because they all soaking wet anyway, and bigger kid’s friends are all kind of bigger and drier. Although they do eat all of big kid’s Haribos. And big kid is no longer big kid. He’s little kid.

Soon, little kid’s big umbrella gets damaged and there’s a hole in it. The bigger kids were messing around with it pretending it was a sword. They stabbed a tree with it. Now not everyone is keeping dry in the rain and some people are getting very wet. Arguments start. Little kid’s umbrella is no longer a source of unity and pride among friends. It’s become a source of conflict and suspicion.

“Some kids are making us wet and need to be kicked out!” they shouted.

“That little kid is making us wet!” said bigger kid. “Kick him out!”

Now little kid has stopped having ideas. They’re dangerous. Bad. Crazy. Like him.

Things could have got better. Or worse.

Little kid’s dad noticed he wasn’t himself and he told his dad everything that happened. Dad spoke to the teachers at school. The grown-ups had some meetings.

Bigger kid told a pack of lies. He said little kid gave him the umbrella. He said little kid stole it from him. He said little kid broke it to stop bigger kid using it. Bigger kid said little kid was stealing his Haribos and selling them to bigger kid’s friends. Bigger kid took the umbrella back to protect it from little kid so that everyone could use it.

Bigger kid’s dad brought bigger kid round and made him say sorry.

Next time bigger kid saw little kid he punched him in the face.

Wed, 07 Jan 2026 10:40:20 +0100

The streets of Southall and the road to hell…

Jack Frost visited overnight and left some beautiful souvenirs on car windscreens this morning.

The pavements, however, are treacherous.

I saw a number of little kids slide and tumble on the way into school. As we climbed up and over the canal footbridge and approached the invisibly icy downward steps to the school side, we all received a text message from the headteacher asking us to be mindful of the slippery conditions. Distracted by the beeps and buzzes in our hands, on our wrists and in our pockets, we all reflexively reached out, shifted our focus and fell like lemmings over the edge of the top step and down into a crumpled, groaning heap of legs and arms, shouts and cries. Well… Not really. We all carried on like the battle-hardened school-runners we are and dragged, coerced, danced and sang our recalcitrant little ones into class as usual. It could have been worse.

Thu, 25 Dec 2025 10:51:42 +0100

Certainly one of my favourite little kid masterpieces this year.

Tue, 09 Dec 2025 09:06:19 +0100

Big kid WhatsApped me this hilarious YT short. He was flabbergasted when I told him it was from the 1980s.

Fri, 28 Nov 2025 12:30:41 +0100

This morning we received a new report (from an incident on Wednesday afternoon). A year 10 white boy attempted to spit chewing gum into my lad’s afro hair.

Big kid told us he got his first taste of direct in your face racism. Last Friday, one of his classmates came right up to him while he was speaking in Drama class, and said “How’s my little n***** today?”

David Marsden https://davidmarsden.info/2025/11/27/big-kid-told-us-he.html

Thu, 27 Nov 2025 10:59:09 +0100

Big kid told us he got his first taste of direct in your face racism. Last Friday, one of his classmates came right up to him while he was speaking in Drama class, and said “How’s my little n***** today?”

Wed, 26 Nov 2025 18:39:24 +0100

There was a huge warehouse fire in Southall yesterday. Fortunately no one was hurt. Three schools sent their kids home early. Little kid’s school was directly downwind, so they kept the children indoors all day. When I picked him up, my little lad wanted to know if his home was safe. On the way home, he broke down, sobbing primal tears. He said he’d been worried about me all day. He thought we might all be dead and had been holding on to that fear all day long.

Wed, 26 Nov 2025 18:33:23 +0100

Beautiful sunshine and frost on the school run. Little kid was super excited to see the school field frozen over. I almost walked on by on the way back, but tried to channel his wonder. The front panel of this narrowboat was glistening with frost in the morning light.

Sat, 27 Sep 2025 11:06:54 +0100

Autumn Fair today at little kid’s school. I was supposed to be there helping out, but not feeling well enough. Seven weeks since I felt better than suboptimal.

Fri, 26 Sep 2025 09:38:49 +0100

Brilliant start to the day. Little kid said he wanted to park close to school today (we usually park away from school and he scoots in). Got a parking ticket. Had no idea it was restricted there. I’ve parked there hundreds of times before, others also parked there this morning as usual. Warden must have waited until I walked off as well.

Thu, 28 Aug 2025 19:11:29 +0100

“United have backed Amorim by spending £200m on attacking players this summer, while negotiations likely to end with Alejandro Garnacho, Antony and Rasmus Hojlund joining Chelsea, Real Betis and Napoli respectively, are continuing.”

New £73m signing Sesko looks every bit as terrible as unfairly scapegoated Hojlund he has replaced in Amorim’s totally inflexible “system”.

Garnacho isn’t perfect, but he’s a matchwinner. Antony looked reborn on loan at Betis last season.

So, it’s pretty obvious it’s not the players, but the manager’s tactical inflexibility.

Man Utd chiefs back Amorim despite Grimsby defeat: bbc.com
Home - BBC News https://www.bbc.com/sport/football/articles/c3v3470zl3lo?at_medium=RSS&at_campaign=rss

Thu, 07 Aug 2025 19:23:50 +0100

Ha! Didn’t even realise at the time that big kid photobombed my obelisk pic!

Tue, 05 Aug 2025 15:48:28 +0100

Big kid has expanded his cooking empire, and now has his own domain.

Tue, 05 Aug 2025 08:26:50 +0100

Higher Ground now on Apple Music.

Mon, 04 Aug 2025 16:10:06 +0100

Amazing what difference a year makes! Last time we were at Butlins, little kid was still barely verbal and was too small to climb up the Sky Park towers to slide down with his big brother. Now he’s so big and confident and excitedly telling us all about it.

Mon, 28 Jul 2025 14:28:23 +0100

Big kid has video-documented my pizza making process by creating a “cooking website” while I made pizza on Saturday.

(For some reason the videos aren’t only seem to play when you load the site in a private or incognito browser.)

Sat, 26 Jul 2025 11:57:52 +0100

Big kid’s last day at his primary school yesterday was emotional. And by emotional, I mean generally looking glum and disengaged and refusing to talk about it. Reminds me of someone I know…

Peak Absurdity on the Ski School Run

Mon, 21 Jul 2025 22:20:23 +0100

Big kid went skiing with school today (his school breaks up for summer a week later than everywhere else). He had to be at school half an hour earlier than usual to catch the coach to The Snow Centre. Real snow, -6°C.

As we arrived, we realised he hadn’t brought his coat.

I quickly dumped little kid in breakfast club, and hobbled back to the car, which I had clairvoyantly parked half a mile away so the kids could scoot in the rest of the way. Bin collection day slowed things down, and the wife was in a state of undress and unable to fling the coat out of the window when I arrived home, meaning I had to haul myself up and downstairs to retrieve it myself, huffing and puffing and effing and blinding all the way.

Miraculously, I managed to walk without crutches at almost Olympic speed into school and presented a relieved big kid with his coat, literally as he stepped on to the coach.

When I got back home, again, in a pool of sweat, wife had gone swimming. She texted me to ask if our lad had got his coat, and to say “I need a Bailey’s after all that stress!”

This evening, when the lad got home, I asked him if he was glad he had his coat with him in sub-zero temperatures. “Nah. They gave us ski jackets.”

Thu, 17 Jul 2025 18:13:20 +0100

Big kid just created his first website using Google Sites.

The Pied Piper of Ealing

Wed, 16 Jul 2025 00:33:52 +0100

A couple of weeks ago, big kid sang at the Royal Albert Hall in “Ealing Together: Harmony in Diversity,” performing lyrics by Jewish socialist and renowned children’s author Michael Rosen in a new song “Ada in Ealing”, a celebration of a former Ealing resident, and the world’s first computer programmer and a pioneer of mathematical logic, Ada Lovelace.

Tonight he performed in his school’s musical version of The Pied Piper of Hamelin, a story about broken promises and failed leadership. The stage lights went out halfway through, but the show went on - the children kept singing, the story kept unfolding, and somehow the adults pulling the strings behind the scenes got the lights back on.

The biggest laugh from the grown ups watching came when the council leader overcame his cognitive dissonance about political dishonesty by not paying the piper due to budget constraints: “For a politician to lie?! It’s disgusting, disgraceful, dishonourable…. Dis could be the perfect solution!” They all understood perfectly.

Sitting in that school hall, watching children perform a story about adults who make promises they don’t keep, I realised I’d been writing about the same tale in “Perceval House W5.” The Pied Piper isn’t just a fairy story - it’s a documentary about local politics.

The council leader in Hamelin promises to solve the rat problem but refuses to pay when the Piper delivers. Sound familiar? Promise to “put people before buildings,” then close the buildings. Promise “transparent engagement,” then rewrite petition rules to stop residents asking questions. Promise to protect services by cutting them.

From celebrating Ada Lovelace - a woman who saw logical patterns others couldn’t - to performing a story about leaders who’ve abandoned logic entirely. The journey from The Royal Albert Hall to the primary school hall, from Ealing to Hamelin and back again, from songs about a mathematics logician to tales about a corrupt politician.

Ada Lovelace would have spotted the flawed algorithm immediately: spend £1 million on councillor allowances to save £750,000 on children’s centres. The logic doesn’t compute.

But she’d also have recognised the pattern in the Pied Piper story. He who pays the piper calls the tune. In Ealing, we’re discovering who’s really been programming our decision-makers.

Unelected developers and council officers concocted a plan to sell off community assets. Berkeley Group paid for MIPIM trips. The council issued compulsory purchase orders to demolish people’s homes to make way for a new road and Berkeley’s marketing suite opposite the new Elizabeth Line station. The council is “powerless” to prevent Berkeley Group poisoning the Southall community, like the rats in the nursery playground. The algorithm executes perfectly.

In the original tale, the children disappear forever when the adults break their promises. But big kid’s generation might rewrite that ending. They’ve already shown they understand the contradictions better than the politicians creating them.

When then five year old Zion asked the Council Leader directly about the gasworks poisoning and got a “too sciencey” response, he understood perfectly what was happening. Tonight, performing as part of a story about broken promises and failed leadership, he understood it perfectly, too.

The lights failed, but the children kept going. The system breaks down, but the community adapts. Sometimes the show must go on until the grown-ups remember how to keep their promises.

And sometimes, just sometimes, the lights come back on.

URGENT support to fund a legal challenge to Ealing Council’s decision to close 10 children’s centres.

Sat, 12 Jul 2025 14:50:37 +0100

Time to slope 📷 off from the party.

Sat, 12 Jul 2025 13:04:51 +0100

They’re now just pouring whole buckets of water over their heads.

Big kid’s birthday party is in full swing. Water bombs already, pizza due to arrive in five. Just time for a quick cuppa.

David Marsden https://davidmarsden.info/2025/07/12/big-kids-birthday-party-is.html

Sat, 12 Jul 2025 11:56:28 +0100

Big kid’s birthday party is in full swing. Water bombs already, pizza due to arrive in five. Just time for a quick cuppa.

Thu, 10 Jul 2025 19:52:21 +0100

Big kid got his SATs results on Tuesday and he and we are all very happy. He put in a lot of hard work to get to such a high level, with lots of stress and tears especially in the beginning. Very proud of him.

Thu, 10 Jul 2025 19:48:11 +0100

Eleven distant 📷 years tomorrow since this rascal appeared and took over my life.

Fri, 04 Jul 2025 12:33:16 +0100

Big kid persuaded me, against my better judgement, to join in with the parents' race at Sports Day this morning. As the younger, fitter dads rapidly moved away from me I felt something go in my right knee and hobbled in pain to the finish line.

Fri, 04 Jul 2025 12:29:26 +0100

With all the hot weather I’ve been eating nothing but salad, fresh fruit and ice pops for what seems like the last few weeks. I’m fed up with it. This morning I tried to use some leftover olives, peppers and halloumi in an omelette. I probably used too much, but the olives and halloumi were overpowering.

Thu, 03 Jul 2025 19:33:13 +0100

Outside the school offices. Little kid runs through here excitedly every morning. It looked especially magical today.

Thu, 03 Jul 2025 17:59:58 +0100

Kitchen garden at kids' school.

Tue, 01 Jul 2025 22:05:18 +0100

Kids have gone to sleep tonight clutching ice packs wrapped in a towel. 🥵

Tue, 01 Jul 2025 19:01:56 +0100

Magical scene at after school clubs pick-up time. Excellent drama teacher had the little kids outside under the shade of the trees in front of the kitchen garden doing their thing. I’m sure those kids will remember it forever.

Mon, 30 Jun 2025 23:18:56 +0100

Had a kickabout with one of the neighbourhood kids and my neighbour downstairs in our close this evening. Although we let the kid win 20-0, I still got it!

Mon, 30 Jun 2025 11:16:07 +0100

Solitude 📷

Sun, 29 Jun 2025 13:57:32 +0100

Today’s salad bowl.

Sat, 28 Jun 2025 12:27:04 +0100

Big kid lost another tooth the other night. We often have no cash in the house other than what he has in his various piggy banks, wallets, boxes. The tooth fairy has been recycling the same two pound coin for three teeth now, and this time he said, “Hmmm… This coin looks familiar…” But that was it, the coin was discarded and it’s now back in my box waiting its next mission.

Sat, 28 Jun 2025 12:08:11 +0100

Little kid went on his first all day school trip to Whipsnade Zoo yesterday. When he jumped off the bus at pick-up time he excitedly told me he’d “been to Europe, and it’s not far away!”

Fri, 27 Jun 2025 15:40:41 +0100

Big kid attended his high school transition day today along with kids from all the local primary schools. He was the only one to take a pen, and the only one to take notes.

Tue, 24 Jun 2025 17:14:50 +0100

Big kid singing at the Royal Albert Hall tonight!

Tue, 17 Jun 2025 13:15:08 +0100

It’s been a very noisy and smelly morning. Reversing forklifts, car alarms, barking dog, pneumatic drill. Now it’s the fucking ice cream man doing his rounds (mate, the kids are all at school). To top it all off, we had the delightful petroleum aroma of our local asphalt recycling plant drifting in on the prevailing wind.

Wed, 11 Jun 2025 17:54:20 +0100

Exploited child labour this evening to harvest two bags of potatoes.

Big kid insisted that the “butt potato” take pride of place in the group photo.

Disappointingly small crop, but they are really tasty.

Mon, 09 Jun 2025 14:46:09 +0100

So far today I’m locked out of the new work bank account and the old work pensions account, and then I “upgraded” to the shiny new password manager web app and - hey presto! - lost all my passwords. Not sure it’s safe for me to go and pick up the kids today.

Sat, 07 Jun 2025 10:14:53 +0100

Probably not going to see much more of big kid today. Switch 📷

Sun, 01 Jun 2025 19:02:04 +0100

These trees outside our home provide beautiful cover for the ugly industrial warehouse they built shortly after we bought our flat. They make up for the loss of horizon view (in reality a derelict wasteland) making our close cozy and private. They provide shelter from the afternoon sun in summer allowing the kids to play outside freely.

Big kid decided each tree symbolises one of us, according to size. That’s me on the right. My neighbour wants to have me chopped down because I leave a mess on her car when she parks underneath.

Occasionally I like to lie on a blanket in our communal garden and just watch the trees swaying in the wind. During lockdown it was incredibly peaceful and calming watching the trees and the birds - crows, parakeets, pigeons, starlings, magpies, and red kites, geese and egrets flying by overhead.

📷

Thu, 29 May 2025 20:05:09 +0100

Bertie’s ice cream van shut up shop at six on the dot leaving my little lad, who was next in line, without an ice cream.

Thu, 29 May 2025 14:05:37 +0100

My kids (and I) want to know why there’s a potato waffle in the beach information section of this noticeboard.

Sat, 24 May 2025 10:29:02 +0100

Earlier this week, I updated my crime report online to say that my son’s scooter had been returned.

This morning, I received a wake up call to ask if I was still expecting a police visit.

“Yes, sort of, because that’s what we arranged, but I did update my report to say my son’s scooter had been returned. I don’t want to waste police time.”

Oh, we’ll check the report then and see what it says.

Mon, 19 May 2025 10:57:58 +0100

The new HT reviewed the security camera video and found the scooter! Hoorah! John Reese has been dispatched to apprehend the suspect and serve him some summary justice!

Person of Interest 101: davidmarsden.info
David Marsden https://davidmarsden.info/2025/05/16/person-of-interest.html

Person of Interest 101

Fri, 16 May 2025 17:24:45 +0100

The voicemail asked me to call 101 and quote my call reference number.

It took three attempts to get through to a human being. I guess they really are all busy dealing with emergencies.

“‘Ello, ‘ello, ‘ello. What is the nature of your call today?” (Why do police officers always talk like this?)

“I reported a crime online yesterday. I got a text and voicemail asking me to quote my call reference number…”

“Is that Mr Marsden?”

“Why, yes it is!” (Impressive detective work!)

“I’m afraid the online reporting form isn’t very helpful. It sends the information to us in a way that makes it difficult to understand what actually happened. Just give me a minute while I go through it.”

[A full five minutes on hold later…]

“Hello sir. You want to report the theft of your son’s scooter?”

“Yes, that’s correct.” (By now I wanted to report the theft of what little hope I’d had left when I started dialling the call.)

“Does the school have any cctv footage?”

“Yes, they do, but they haven’t reviewed it yet, as far as I know.”

[Another five-minute intermission.]

“We’ll need to take a statement from you and your son. The earliest I can visit you is next Friday between 8 and 9 a.m., or 12 and 1 p.m.?”

“My son will be either going to school or already at school during those times.”

“What about next Saturday?”

“Yes, that would be better. My only concern is that, by then, we will have lost not only his scooter, but what little chance there was of ever getting it back or finding out what happened to it. When I was growing up, the police would have just visited the school…”

“Yes, same here. Unfortunately, we can’t just go into schools these days. But don’t worry - this case won’t just be sitting on my desk.”

Somewhere out there, Finch and Reese are watching every camera feed in New York, saving lives in real time with the help of an all-seeing AI.

Meanwhile, in my corner of the UK, a ten-year-old’s scooter vanishes in broad daylight, and the only Machine involved is caller id at the local police station.

“OK. Thank you, officer.”

Fri, 16 May 2025 14:26:44 +0100

Reported the theft of my kid’s bike to the school (in person and by email) and to the police (online).

The school has some cctv, but seems reluctant to review the video - historical precedent suggests that it’s unlikely to reveal what happened.

The police left a voicemail asking me to call back to arrange to give a statement (not that there’s really anything else I can add). On calling back, a 15 minute conversation (mostly on hold) resulted in confirmation that my lad’s bike has indeed been stolen. The earliest the police can take a statement is a week on Saturday.

Thu, 15 May 2025 17:56:51 +0100

Someone took big kid’s new scooter from the bike store at school yesterday. I was hoping it was some kind of mistake or even a prank and it would be returned today. But nope.

Tue, 13 May 2025 07:49:34 +0100

Big kid sat his first SATs test yesterday and has more this week. He started a journal recording the process. One of his entries from yesterday had me in stitches, bearing in mind his struggles with maths.

My new revision partner helped me with decimal addition and subtraction. I also have 25% extra time on every test if I want. And by my calculations I have a 90% chance of passing my first SPaG.

Sat, 26 Apr 2025 08:52:32 +0100

Getting ready for little kid’s birthday party this morning. Ordered pizza to be delivered for the lunch. Wife is popping out to get disposable cutlery. Big kid is reading manga. Little kid is designing his new stick-on felt solar system. Surprisingly relaxing so far…

Fri, 25 Apr 2025 12:19:04 +0100

Just for clarity, while he no longer has enormous testicles, he’s still very definitely a boy.

Little kid is five today. Job done according to his mum. At least I’m no longer getting peed on.

David Marsden https://davidmarsden.info/2025/04/25/little-kid-is-five-today.html

Fri, 25 Apr 2025 12:15:35 +0100

Little kid is five today. Job done according to his mum. At least I’m no longer getting peed on.

Everything you ever wanted to know about the cost of fish and chips and more

Tue, 15 Apr 2025 23:06:55 +0100

Three days ago I went to Ambridge’s fish and chip shop in Spilsby to get lunch for me, my mum, my wife and two kids. A run-of-the-mill affair, uncontroversial, and unremarkable.

As a fan and occasional exponent of legacy microblogging, I described my experience in as few words as possible, and - accompanied by a couple of boring photos - I published on my micro.blog website.

Now, I say this whole adventure into the great big outside world wasn’t noteworthy, but that’s not quite true. Mum had given me two shiny plastic twenty pound notes to buy the “two haddock, one chips, and three peas” described in my post, and I had given one back thinking that this “ludicrous order” couldn’t possibly cost more than twenty quid.

It turned out that it cost £20.40, so mum was right to offer me more, although I was also correct in thinking that £40.00 was about £20.00 too much.

On micro.blog, which is known for and proud of its general sedation and nuance, I received zero engagement. Par for the course, expected and absolutely fine. I post for myself, and my kids, and while I certainly don’t mind at all if anyone else comments, it’s not a problem if no one does.

Micro.blog has a clever in-built feature which allows you to “cross-post” things you publish to Threads (among others). So that’s where my fish, chips and peas post went, too.

Unbelievably, when I got back from our long family weekend away, my post on Threads had received over 167,000 views, 333 likes and 351 comments (indicating also that I have been mildly “ratioed").

Now, I don’t use Threads much and navigating and replying to all 351 comment isn’t viable. I thought it would be more fun to create a Fishy FAQs.

Fishy FAQs

Q: And?
A: And nothing.

Q: And…?
A: And nothing…

Q: And you point is?
A: Nothing. Other than that my mum was right that it would cost more than £20.

Q: What kind of ludicrous order is that?
A: Two haddocks - half each for me, my mum, my wife and ten year old. One chips - half for me, half for my ten year old and four year old to share. Three peas - one pot of peas each for me, my mum and my wife.

Q: Surely you check the total before paying?
A: You mean before ordering? Or before giving £20 back to my mum?

Q: Did they let you off the 40p?
A: No.

Q: When did you last buy a takeaway of any description?
A: November 2024 at the same fish and chip shop. I arrived after it had closed and managed to come away with a battered sausage and a few chips.

Q: Where is this?
A: Spilsby.

And some fact-checking!

Fishy Facts

CLAIM: Fish and chips is still better value than a fast food chain.
FALSE. For pure cost, McDonald’s and similar chains are better value.

CLAIM: BREXIT!
TRUE. Brexit has led to higher prices.

CLAIM: You have to factor in the full cost of getting fish from the sea to the chippy.
TRUE. It’s not just Brexit!

CLAIM: Make your own, it’s cheaper!
TRUE. It’s a lot cheaper, but also less convenient, takes longer and isn’t always or often practical.

CLAIM: No one forces you to buy it. If we all stopped buying fish and chips from the chippy, prices would come down.
FALSE. High prices are due to supply and other costs, not local demand.

CLAIM: Jacket spuds and pizza - fish is a luxury!
TRUE. Cheese is cheaper than fish!

CLAIM: Only 3 peas? You should have got a tin.
BOOM TISH!

CLAIM: 3 pot’s of pea’s? You and your mum will be farting for England!
TRUE. Although we only had one pot each (see above).

Lastly, and most importantly, here’s how prices vary across time and the country.

Pre-lockdown: £6.50
Post-lockdown: £11.95
The other day: £15.00
Here: £8.00/£19.50/£23.90
Where I am: &16.00
Kent: cheap as chips
Sydney: £7.00
Australia: £7.50
Paris (cordon bleu 3 course meal with a bottle of wine): £30

Fish and chips price map of the UK

Sun, 13 Apr 2025 14:10:51 +0100

This has gone semi-viral on Threads. Weird.

Mum gave me £40 to buy two haddock, one chips, and three peas from the chippy. I gave her £20 back and said, “don’t be daft.”

£20.40!!!

David Marsden https://davidmarsden.info/2025/04/12/mum-gave-me-to-buy.html

Sat, 12 Apr 2025 20:15:57 +0100

Mum gave me £40 to buy two haddock, one chips, and three peas from the chippy. I gave her £20 back and said, “don’t be daft.”

£20.40!!!

Sat, 12 Apr 2025 12:16:57 +0100

Macc Lads.

Mon, 07 Apr 2025 14:32:23 +0100

Almost-five year old happily repeating his new favourite word: “TITS!”

Soon-to-be-eleven year old, “Stop it! You can’t say that word!”

Parents: “Hold on. Where did you learn that word?!”

Tue, 01 Apr 2025 08:14:13 +0100

Hellish morning so far.

Little kid’s porridge was “too hot” so I stirred in some cold milk. Then it was “too milky” so I drained the milk with a sieve. Finally it was “too lumpy” so I put it in the food waste bin.

Then big kid’s “wasn’t right” so his went in the bin, too.

Fri, 28 Mar 2025 17:11:06 +0100

Little kid made the card at school and one of the parents handed out Happy Eid bags to the kids as they left for home.

Fri, 28 Mar 2025 12:44:00 +0100

Big kid has been eating porridge every morning for a few weeks, which means ten minutes of stirring the pan for me every morning. I don’t mind, I like doing it. So much so that I invested in a Scottish spoon this week to make it easier on my hand, wrist and arm.

Today, in a scene reminiscent of Andy and his carer in Little Britain, he jumped out of bed at 6:30 am ran into the kitchen and proceeded to slice a bagel in half, toast it and butter it all by himself.

Thu, 13 Mar 2025 00:03:00 +0100

My boy got his picture taken for the local council propaganda rag when they opened the school street this week.

Fri, 07 Mar 2025 15:19:04 +0100

Big kid can breathe again.

Plan to ban smart phones in schools scrapped by MP: bbc.com
Home - BBC News https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/cq8y7dvw9ddo

Tue, 04 Mar 2025 22:28:00 +0100

Big kid brought home a June 1983 copy of National Geographic from the school library today (I said it needs an update!).

Some things never change.

Mon, 03 Mar 2025 20:27:34 +0100

Big kid has got a place at our first choice high school for September. His best friends are all going to different schools - some by choice, others who didn’t get their first (or second) choice.

Hopefully I can get some grant funding for youth work at the local church, so they can all meet up there after school and maintain their friendships.

A new hope

Sat, 01 Mar 2025 20:56:00 +0100

It’s been quite a week.

My Mum has had a rough few years. Eight years ago, aged 71, she lost John (my step-Dad) to cancer. One moment he was fine, the next he started deteriorating rapidly, was soon bedridden, and spent weeks waiting for for death to take him as his body wasted away. Three months and he was gone.

Mum sold their beautiful big retirement bungalow she’d nursed him in, and got a smaller bungalow in the small town where she’d grown up and her cousin still lives and owns the amazing wool shop.

Two years later she had a mini-stroke, fell and broke her ankle, and had to hand in her driver’s licence while she recovered.

Then came COVID-19 and the isolation, followed by misdiagnosed heart failure, and then cancer of her own. She needed major surgery, but the doctors said she wouldn’t survive a general anaesthetic (because of the misdiagnosed heart failure).

She prepared to have the surgery with an epidural. On the day of the op, they decided she couldn’t have the surgery without a general and so that’s what happened. Then there was the radiotherapy and follow up tests every three months since. She survived it all.

Then her beloved, very elderly (and very fat) cats died one after another.

She’s been through a lot!

Just before xmas last year she had a chest infection. She’s had breathing problems on and off for as long as I can remember. As a kid she said it was bronchitis. Later it was asthma. Now, like me, it’s COPD.

She hasn’t recovered from this episode and is struggling to do everyday tasks including personal care. Her neighbour has been a godsend throughout and describes my Mum like she’s her own mum. I’ve been trying to help from a distance (a four hour drive away) to organise home help, etc.

Last Sunday I noticed that my neighbours on the ground floor had a For Sale sign outside their relatively (these days) spacious one bed flat. I messaged my Mum saying it’s a shame she can’t move in there. Me and my wife could help her with the things she can’t do for herself plus keep her company and she gets to see her grandsons in the flesh more than twice a year.

I didn’t really expect her to take it seriously, but as her helpful and caring neighbour said, “It’s a no-brainer.” The neighbours downstairs told me that they hadn’t decided if they were selling or letting, but today I viewed the flat opposite which, although I’d forgotten about it, has been on the market for longer. It’s also in good condition, and my neighbour is not in a chain and has somewhere to move to.

It’s given my Mum some hope. It’s a big move at her age. Fingers crossed it all works out.

Thu, 20 Feb 2025 14:25:00 +0100

Relaxing morning with the kids.

I’m sucking on stray lumps of Red Leicester while stirring the rest of the grated cheese into thickened white sauce, monitoring the macaroni simmering in the other pan (for big kid and me), and checking on sausages in the oven (for little kid).

Big kid is playing Minecraft with a friend and little kid is exploring space on his tablet.

Wife is having her morning nap.

On yer bike! (Your voice matters)

Sat, 15 Feb 2025 19:15:00 +0100

Last week we had the local cycling group at the school offering free bikes and training to families.

We’d love free bikes, of course.

Two problems for me, though:

There’s nowhere safe and secure to keep them.
The roads and drivers around here are downright dangerous, and no dedicated cycle lanes.

I couldn’t help myself imparting this information in no uncertain terms to the two smiley elderly ladies handing out the marketing leaflets.

Afterwards, big kid gave me some feedback.

“Dad, when you shout it makes me want to freeze out of fear.”

Me: “Oh no, sorry, did I shout at those ladies?”

“No, you didn’t shout at them. You used your political voice. Your political voice makes me want to listen.”

You Winchester, you lose some

Sat, 15 Feb 2025 18:40:00 +0100

I was chatting to one of the other parents at school yesterday morning and mentioned how little kid is totally obsessed with space, all day and every day. It’s literally the first thing he talks about when he wakes up, and he falls asleep watching Brian Cox videos. They had a special space day at school yesterday, too.

She helpfully suggested visiting the planetarium at Winchester, about an hour’s drive away.

I hadn’t thought about going anywhere outside of London.

Later yesterday afternoon I picked up my guitar for the first time in months, wiped all the dust off it, and strummed the chords to one of my old band’s songs, written by the singer who, coincidentally, hails from Winchester.

By evening, I’d forgotten all about school mums, planetariums and old mates, and I was more concerned about finishing my book and finding out whodunnit?

On page 306 of my book, right in the middle it said (in all CAPS and bold):

WINCHESTER

I checked out the planetarium and ordered four tickets for a nice family outing during half-term .

This morning I told little kid about it and he said he didn’t want to go.

Cleaning up

Sat, 15 Feb 2025 17:02:06 +0100

Big kid has been on lunch monitor duty at school for the past couple weeks. He enjoys making sure his little bro is all right, and, it turns out, cleaning up all the mess the little kids make. So much so that the headteacher commended him for his efforts.

Yesterday, on the drive to somewhere near enough to school for them to scoot in from, big kid announced:

“Dad, when I’m older, I’m going to clean up this town!”

I said it’s a big job and suggested he might want to think about starting now, and starting with the streets around the school with some of his friends. Fortunately, there’s a local group who already do just that.

It would be good to get started when the school street starts next month.

Too good to be true

Sat, 15 Feb 2025 13:50:38 +0100

This week at school my proud Digital Leader presented a school assembly on the dangers of the internet, and in particular too-good-too-be true offers.

Last night I got a notification that he’d spent £8.99 on his Kobo, using his £2 a week pocket money account. Which was odd as I could have sworn he was in bed with his kid brother watching space videos at that moment.

A quick investigation found that last month he’d subscribed to a free trial of “READ EVERYTHING YOU WANT!!!” Kobo Plus, and his trial has ended.

We had a little talk and, suitably humbled, I reimbursed his £8.99.

Thu, 13 Feb 2025 12:28:08 +0100

Kids are enjoying scooting into school in the mornings.

I’m like some retired secret service security detail chasing after them shouting “SLOW DOWN!” and “IT’S NOT A RACE!” and (to the big one) “LOOK OVER YOUR SHOULDER BEFORE YOU CROSS THE ROAD!” and “NOT THAT SHOULDER!” and (to the little one) “MIND THAT OLD LADY!” and “USE YOUR BRAKE!” and (to myself) “AAARRRGGGHHH!!!”

All in a day's housework

Wed, 12 Feb 2025 15:12:00 +0100

Busy day so far.

New school street comes into effect next month, so to prepare this morning we parked away from the school and the kids scooted in with me chasing after them on my flat feet.

Need to teach little kid how to use his brake.

Had to pop into the school office to ask for a parents' evening form.

Went to Tesco to buy the items that Waitrose couldn’t deliver later.

No time for breakfast, instead peeled, chopped and boiled spuds, chopped and fried onions with lentils, prepared carrots and leeks for honey-roasting, cut broccoli florets for steaming, mashed potatoes and spooned on to onions and lentils mixed with gravy and HP sauce in a baking dish, grated Red Leicester to go on top.

Emptied our general waste bin, wet and dry recycling bins, and the food bin.

Unblocked the kitchen sink with the plunger.

Put my laundry away.

Washed up.

Put the groceries away.

Time for a late brunch.

Sat, 08 Feb 2025 14:58:23 +0100

Little kid, arising from his potty:

“Dad, take the wee in the potty and put it in the toilet.”

Talk about taking the pee!

Fri, 07 Feb 2025 22:14:02 +0100

We haven’t had a left back all season, so of course when we sign one we play him on the right wing.

Fri, 07 Feb 2025 22:04:07 +0100

No wonder my eldest hates football. All he’s seen is United after Ferguson.

Fri, 07 Feb 2025 15:39:00 +0100

Wife beefed about the beef (“too salty”) and the horseradish (“tastes like jalapeno flavoured toothpaste”), but otherwise enjoyed the “perfect” roast potatoes and the veggies.

Kid A said he would try the tiniest piece of beef along with some cabbage, but ate neither.

Kid B said, “Maybe yesterday”.

Fri, 07 Feb 2025 15:26:47 +0100

Walked past big kid’s old “Wonderwall” he helped to create at his nursery school, must be seven years ago.

He’s always been very proud of his yellow brick.

Fri, 07 Feb 2025 14:35:50 +0100

I just used Voicenotes.com on my phone to record various training prices from historical invoices reading them off my laptop screen, asked it to create a summary, copied into NotebookLM to sort and make a pretty table I could paste into Sheets, then tidied up the presentation.

Then asked Gemini to research three equivalent types of training from external providers, copied responses into Docs, imported Docs into NotebookLM and got a second shiny table for comparison.

Productivity through the roof.

Once it can make coffee and bring cake to the table, and make off-the-cuff wisecracks, I will be expendable.

Wed, 05 Feb 2025 10:40:11 +0100

It was a rough night. Little kid was awake in wriggling around in our bed from 4 am, although, of course, fast asleep again by 7:30 (and way past time to get up to get ready for school).

Wed, 05 Feb 2025 00:17:29 +0100

It could be a long night. Wife has just settled little kid back into bed. Big kid is coughing and snorting away, wide awake two and a half hours after going to bed. He’s started his asthma plan, and the room reeks of Olbas Oil and Vicks VapoRub.

Tue, 04 Feb 2025 08:51:08 +0100

Little kid fell asleep on my lap, as usual, watching videos of planets and being at one with the Universe.

This morning he exclaimed:

“Dad! You’re so… wide!”

Tue, 04 Feb 2025 08:47:55 +0100

Last night big kid fell asleep in his bed while wearing in-ear buds, ear defender “headphones” and an elasticated eye mask. Apparently he was “trying to be at one with myself”.

I ripped them all off him before I went to bed.

This morning he complained:

“Dad! Why didn’t you just wake me up?!?!”

Mon, 03 Feb 2025 14:30:00 +0100

Oh, and printed a couple of things I’ll need later on our new home printer - only to discover the kids have used up all the colour already printing off photos of planets.

I could use the printer at work, but it’s almost certain not to work when I actually need it to work.

Sun, 02 Feb 2025 15:49:00 +0100

Big kid always leaves his pizza crusts and asked me to make a stuffed crust instead.

I forgot all about, so just folded over the edge at the last moment before it went in the oven. It’s delicious, but looks and feels more like a pie, and no. 1 son didn’t like it at all!

Sat, 01 Feb 2025 19:03:01 +0100

Ten year old old just showed me how to do something on my phone.

Thu, 23 Jan 2025 08:33:07 +0100

I had a really poor night’s sleep, worrying about little kid.

Thu, 23 Jan 2025 08:31:07 +0100

Little kid slept in his own bed until 6 am. Hurrah!

What's out there?

Wed, 22 Jan 2025 02:13:00 +0100

What’s out there?

My space-obsessed four and three quarter year old might ask me that soon, so I better have an answer.

At the moment he’s happy to copy his ten and a half year old brother and stick with “What’s in Uranus?” for laughs. (Although he does actually want to know what’s in Uranus, too.)

Recently, I have been replaced by Professor Brian Cox on bedtime story reading duties.

Instead of me reading simple kids' books on space until he falls asleep, Prof. Cox narrates stories on YouTube about black holes, space-time elasticity and Fermi’s Paradox. It’s fascinating, and sends the little one off to sleep at least as efficiently as me reading to him.

I admit that while I was aware of Fermi’s Paradox, I hadn’t quite cottoned on to its significance.

That, in answer the the question “What’s out there?” there’s an unimaginably vast number of planets, stars, galaxies, etc., in an even more unimaginably vast and mostly empty space. And in spite of this vastness, there’s absolutely zero evidence (so far) of any kind of life at all other than here on our tiny, tiny speck of Earth. We’re alone.

Echoing Carl Sagan, Prof. Cox was quite poetic about it and described it as the Universe taking millions of years to come up with just the right conditions for an unbroken chain of evolutionary life to emerge that has an awareness of itself.

And that the Universe is a frighteningly violent place so it’s quite miraculous that we haven’t (yet) been smashed or fried in some astronomical event. In fact, we look odds-on to smash or fry ourselves first right here, right now.

Our evolutionarily advantageous over-confidence will inevitably lead us to self-destruction, as surely as boom leads to bust, as we ignore climate warnings from our wise elders, wage war on our brothers and our sisters, and repeatedly fail to think of the children.

We’re wedded to screens and technology as life passes us by. Doom-scribing, scrolling and trolling, when we should be out there talking to our neighbours, being the change we want to see in the ‘hood, and showing some fucking solidarity with each other. We’re not all perfect, we can all say and do the wrong things, even hold the wrong beliefs.

Identity politics has much to answer for, but the answer isn’t to dismiss people’s lived experiences. Each to their own, and everyone must be able to live their lives as they want to while not harming others. But when someone expresses themselves in ways that cause hurt or offense, piling on and ostracising them often just deepens divisions.

Instead, we need to find ways to acknowledge everyone’s feelings and guide each other toward mutual understanding. This isn’t easy, especially online, but it’s essential if we want to build real solidarity.

Because the point is that the people who want to colonize Mars, or make “their” country great again, or spend billions on war when our elders are dying in hospital corridors, are not on our side. If we could find ways to stick together, however we identify as individuals, we could challenge these concentrations of power and wealth.

I feel certain that if everyone had a decent home with enough food, meaningful and/or well paid work, and enough free time to pursue leisure interests with friends and family, then very few people would give a flying fuck about what pronouns people prefer, or if someone moved from one “country” to “another”.

Maybe then we can leave a planet that’s still inhabitable for our children.

Of course, it’s also possible that we are not alone. It’s possible that aliens are among us, badly disguised as awkward, orange humans, or owls, or neutrinos.

Who knows?

Tue, 21 Jan 2025 21:41:58 +0100

I have been replaced by Professor Brian Cox on bedtime storytelling duties.

Sat, 18 Jan 2025 20:18:36 +0100

I know it’s bedtime for little kid when I have to pull him off his big brother. Somehow he was simultaneously pulling his brother’s hair and shoving his face into a pillow.

Sat, 18 Jan 2025 17:10:49 +0100

Four and three quarter year old has spent most of the day creating this beauty.

He’s not happy with it, though.

Sat, 18 Jan 2025 12:10:16 +0100

Kids are very happily playing together this morning, printing out pictures of planets, cutting them out and sticking them on to their bedroom wall.

Cue big kid:

Dad, why is Uranus so small?

Sun, 12 Jan 2025 14:30:00 +0100

Little kid’s pizza slightly overheated.

Tue, 07 Jan 2025 20:04:20 +0100

Exciting news - big kid found (what we think is) a faint Saturn not far from a bright Venus in the night sky with little kid’s binoculars.

Tue, 07 Jan 2025 11:25:47 +0100

Exciting first day back at school as the skies suddenly opened up and dropped huge, fat flakes of snow on the kids as they waited to go into their classrooms.

Mon, 06 Jan 2025 18:25:05 +0100

Little kid ate a leftover sausage and reheated chips.

Big kid had a bowl of rice and gravy followed by two taco shells with cheese and two soft tacos fried with melted cheese.

After which he asked, “What’s for dinner?”

Mon, 06 Jan 2025 12:06:37 +0100

Wife just rescued little kid who was hanging off the top bunk bed ladder.

Mon, 06 Jan 2025 11:51:41 +0100

The peace and quiet is great, but not entirely relaxing. When the kids are quiet it usually means they are up to no good, or something is wrong.

Mon, 06 Jan 2025 11:34:42 +0100

Making chilli sans carne this morning. Kids are back at school tomorrow, so they are hanging out in the bedroom away from the smell.

Sat, 04 Jan 2025 16:08:00 +0100

This tree, as big kid says, is sus.

Fri, 03 Jan 2025 11:28:44 +0100

Space-obsessed four year old last week:

“My head is full of questions, Dad. There are eight planets in our solar system. Four rocky planets, and four gas and ice planets. Do the gas planets have a rocky core?”

Space-obsessed four year old today:

“Daa-aad. What’s in Uranus?”

Thu, 02 Jan 2025 16:37:30 +0100

We always used the have a special meal to mark New Year’s Day, like Christmas and Easter Sunday, but yesterday, as big kid was away and I had to go and collect him, we ate leftover burgers, chips, rice, beans and salad.

Thu, 02 Jan 2025 15:49:00 +0100

I made a Snowman out of mashed potatoes, with sausage arms, carrot nose, onion mouth, cabbage scarf, roast potato hat and gravy eyes and buttons.

Will little kid eat it?

Wed, 01 Jan 2025 12:20:34 +0100

Big kid went home with his Auntie and cousins on Monday night, so later I will go and collect him. Hopefully traffic will be a lot less than usual today.

This year

Wed, 01 Jan 2025 10:28:59 +0100

This year I’m returning to full-time work for the first time in almost a decade. I’m looking forward to it, though, and my main focus is going to be on researching and writing grant funding applications for local community youth work.

Last term I joined my sons' school’s parent teacher association specifically to help find grant funding they can apply for. I need to get on with that.

I also hope to be able to get more involved (again) in local democracy and activism in person. I’d like to see if we can get some kind of organised mutual aid and self-help community going.

I want to get fitter and lose some weight, so I’m intend to walk every morning (flat feet permitting) and I’m no longer taking sugar in tea and coffee.

I want to sleep better (which is partly dependent on little kid staying in his own bed all night), breathe better, and get my psoriasis under control.

And I want a new hat.

Mon, 30 Dec 2024 15:00:42 +0100

Today’s menu (illustrations by big kid).

Mon, 30 Dec 2024 11:39:00 +0100

Today we’re expecting our two nieces and their Mum. They’re at just the right ages to play with our boys, so it should be a fun day for them as usual, and a hectic one for me.

Thu, 26 Dec 2024 23:00:45 +0100

Best part of Xmas Day for me was late last night when my little kid got a book for me to read to him called “Dad”. After we finished he looked at me and said, “I love you, Dad!” and gave me a big hug.

Tue, 24 Dec 2024 22:24:20 +0100

Santa wasn’t in his Grotto today (elf and safety reasons), so me and little kid had to improvise.

Tue, 24 Dec 2024 21:58:48 +0100

A xmas miracle!

Both kids are asleep before 9 pm!

Tue, 24 Dec 2024 14:16:11 +0100

All set!

Mon, 23 Dec 2024 19:22:00 +0100

Plan for tomorrow:

🥕 Prepare and cook veggies for xmas lunch
🍿 Watch Sonic 3 with kids at cinema
🛏️ Get kids off to bed and sleep early (haha)
🎅 Get my Santa outfit on and deliver presents (which this year are already wrapped)

Mon, 23 Dec 2024 11:32:52 +0100

Little kid sleeps in his own bed for about three or four hours before waking up crying and climbing into ours.

At least he now just goes straight back to sleep instead of wanting to be awake and playing for two hours.

The last three nights I’ve gone to bed very late and missed all the drama. I’ve slept so much better as a result.

Unfortunately, getting up at 8:30 in the morning isn’t sustainable when the kids go back to school.

Mon, 23 Dec 2024 10:21:48 +0100

Big kid has been enjoying CrossFit exercises at school and at home.

Big kid: “Hey Google! What’s an air squat?”

Google: “An escort is a call girl or a prostitute….”

Me: “Hey Google! STOP!!!”

Sun, 22 Dec 2024 15:30:44 +0100

Ten months on and bath night is getting easier.

Now all I have to do is say, “Who’s going to get in Eli’s bath first? Will it be Eli? Or will it be Dad?”

Quick as a flash he’s stripped and running to the bathroom to beat me.

Bad Santa

Wed, 04 Dec 2024 08:33:57 +0100

Big kid is getting too clever.

I got him a surprise xmas gift he’ll love and set up an online account for him in advance so it’s ready to use on the big day.

This morning he switched his alarm off on his old cheapo kids smart watch and asked me what the notification about the order is.

I played dumb, but I’m sure he’s putting it all together.

Wed, 04 Dec 2024 08:27:58 +0100

As well as being addicted to Duolingo, my lad is addicted to crumpets, and I’m his crumpet dealer.

[@spgreenhalgh](https://micro.blog/spgreenhalgh) my ten year old is addicted to Duolingo. He has a 66 day streak and is compelled to keep it going. Plus he's learnt some Spanish (which he previously hated). I'm in two minds. I don't like the addiction, but the five minutes every day is a good habit.

David Marsden https://micro.blog/davidmarsden/51165845

Tue, 03 Dec 2024 10:58:24 +0100

Big kid reckons that the two boxes that arrived yesterday, and that I refused to open, contained xmas presents.

His theory is that I will open them to check that they are what the kids want, then return them with a note asking for them to be forwarded on to Santa for delivery early on xmas morning.

Sun, 01 Dec 2024 20:02:18 +0100

Our little tree now has lights.

Kids were excited but chilling out now to carols.

Sun, 01 Dec 2024 13:13:32 +0100

Boys are having so much fun on a Portal call with their “Papa” (my Dad, their Grandad).

Sat, 30 Nov 2024 17:39:09 +0100

Kids decorated our little xmas tree, but I left the batteries in the lights all year, so they’re ruined.

I think I might have binned the star lights I usually hang in the window - a relief as they cause a disproportionate amount of stress untangling and hanging them.

Sat, 30 Nov 2024 14:43:00 +0100

“Volcano with exploding baked bean and cheese lava” for lunch.

Big kid is getting one of his five a day.

Little kid not interested (despite his love of volcanoes, lava and baked beans).

Sat, 30 Nov 2024 14:31:00 +0100

Breathing calmed down so went for a short walk to the corner shop with Kid A where he bought a can of baked beans with his own cash.

Then we walked around the long block talking about how those beans are now his beans, what would happen to the beans if I reimbursed him with a bank transfer, what he could do with a bottomless backpack, the striking similarity between the Chinese lion adorning a neighbour’s drive wall and the Chinese lions outside the Chinese restaurant in Spilsby, and how Lime bikes are taking over the world.

Breathless!

A million housewives every day
Pick up a can of beans and say
“What an amazing example of
Synchronisation!”

Or in my case, “£1.59?! What a rip-off!”

Tue, 26 Nov 2024 10:44:22 +0100

Looking at The Royal Observatory in Greenwich for my space obsessed four year old. No under fives!

(They do have a special “Ted’s Space Adventure” for 4-7 year olds, but it looks naff and he wants to see the real thing.)

[@Denny](https://micro.blog/Denny) [@antonzuiker](https://micro.blog/antonzuiker) my four year old is obsessed with the solar system and Jupiter in particular. He would love this!

David Marsden https://micro.blog/davidmarsden/50470595

Sun, 24 Nov 2024 17:09:27 +0100

Me: Dinner’s on the table!

Little kid: I’m just painting Mars!

Dua Lipa's Tiny Desk concerts

Sun, 24 Nov 2024 15:10:00 +0100

Dua Lipa’s Tiny Desk concert at home in between covid lockdowns in 2020 is the most watched Tiny Desk concert ever.

Which doesn’t surprise me at all as we must have watched it literally hundreds, if not thousands, of times.

My little boy absolutely loved it, and even me and big kid secretly liked it, too.

Love Again is my favourite.

She’s just performed a new concert at Tiny Desk HQ, and it’s also very watchable and listenable, with These Walls the standout track.

Jon Batiste's Tiny Desk concert

Sat, 23 Nov 2024 17:29:00 +0100

Jon Batiste, like Alicia Keys, is a supremely talented musician and performer. This is another must watch Tiny Desk concert from 2019.

This is another video my little kid enjoyed watching, singing along to (before he could talk), and dancing to with his big brother (before falling asleep).

Don’t it make your soul shake?

Alicia Keys' Tiny Desk concert

Sat, 23 Nov 2024 16:09:46 +0100

If you haven’t seen and listened to Alicia Keys' Tiny Desk concert (Feb 2020) then I highly recommend that you do, even if - or especially if - you think she’s not your thing.

This is a video my little kid loved to sing along to before falling asleep for a mid-day or afternoon nap.

We all just wanna be shown some love

Sat, 23 Nov 2024 15:49:00 +0100

My first attempt at a very simple recipe my Mum used to make fifty years ago.

Little kid: “I like onion and cheese [crisps]!”

Me: “Cheese and onion pie?”

Little kid: " Eugh!"

Fri, 22 Nov 2024 16:13:41 +0100

I recently read: How to Write One Song by Jeff Tweedy (of the band Wilco) 📚.

It’s full of practical if fairly obvious tips on how to write and get your creative muscles going.

Here’s a poem I wrote based on two books I regularly read to my little kid at bedtime.

Sausages

Thu, 21 Nov 2024 13:45:00 +0100

Lincolnshire sausages are the finest sausages you can get.

I remember as a boy, fifty years ago, my grandmother making sausages at home for the local butcher. Sometimes, she would let me feed the sausage meat into the machine and then turn the handle to push it through into the skins.

A special treat then was boiled sausages for breakfast. The skins would fall off, and we ate them with white bread soaked in the soup or broth they created in the pan along with a dash of English mustard.

In later years, my Mum would travel to Boston in south Lincolnshire from her home in north Lincolnshire specially to buy sausages from the butcher who made the best Lincolnshire sausages.

She would freeze them and pack me off with ten or twelve wrapped in old newspaper whenever I came back to visit from university or when I first moved to Manchester and then London.

I haven’t had a proper Lincolnshire sausage for many years now. The ones we get now are made in Hampshire. They’re nice enough, better than any other variety of supermarket sausage I’ve tried, but you wouldn’t want to boil them.

They’re pretty versatile. They’re great with mashed potatoes and gravy, in a special Valentine’s casserole, in a Yorkshire pudding, with xmas dinner wrapped in bacon, in a bread finger roll with (or without) onions and ketchup, in a sandwich or, as my kids like to eat them, cold on their own in the bath after school.

Mon, 18 Nov 2024 19:18:00 +0100

Every time someone mentions Croissant (for cross-posting) I hear big kid’s Mum telling him, “You can’t have croissants for breakfast every morning!”

Sun, 17 Nov 2024 17:43:04 +0100

Four year old every few seconds: “WHAT. THE. HEEE-EEEELLLLLL???!!!”

Sun, 10 Nov 2024 19:59:43 +0100

Big kid has written a list of all the things that make him angry.

Top of the list is bananas.

Sat, 19 Oct 2024 13:27:41 +0100

I thought I’d done great with these pizzas, but big kid ate only three slices (he can usually eat all eight) and spat out his salami, little kid said he doesn’t like the sauce (it’s out of a tin, the same he usually eats), and the missus said hers was burnt and inedible (although she still ate it).

Digital Leader

Mon, 16 Sep 2024 14:07:59 +0100

Hoping we found a good solution to help big kid’s Digital Leader application.

He found it difficult to focus and get his head around answering the questions in a sensible (let alone helpful) way.

Instead, I recorded him speaking about the devices and tech he uses, how he helps his little brother and his parents to play games, and how using new apps like Duolingo has helped him to learn Spanish (when previously he hated Spanish lessons).

Google automatically transcribed his speech and copied it to Google Docs. There I edited out the ums and ahs and pasted it into his Discord chat with me. Then he copied it out by hand on to the application form.

🤞

Sat, 14 Sep 2024 18:09:31 +0100

Bunk beds built.

Sat, 14 Sep 2024 09:50:03 +0100

This morning, and quite possibly this afternoon, I will mostly be assembling a flat pack ‘shorty’ bunk bed ensemble for the kids.

Thu, 12 Sep 2024 17:42:40 +0100

Big kid is applying to be a Digital Leader at school.

In his application he wrote, ‘I want to be a Digital Leader because computing has inspired me to do what I do best. Which is computing.’

And, ‘I would be a ~~good~~great Digital Leader because I have infinet gigabyts of space."

Thu, 12 Sep 2024 17:36:02 +0100

Scored this bag of Akash Gold at the local Tesco Express.

Light and fluffy indeed.

Chilli sans carne was amazing.

Big kid gave the rice 11/10.

Sat, 07 Sep 2024 12:43:16 +0100

Achievement unlocked.

Tue, 03 Sep 2024 13:03:47 +0100

Handed my four year old a slice of ham for his lunch.

“Yay! Pink chicken!”

Now we know what he meant yesterday when he turned his nose up at spicy chicken and said “I like pink chicken!”

Spuds Up!

Tue, 20 Aug 2024 19:10:21 +0100

We harvested the last three of eleven potato bags at the weekend. A decent crop, and very tasty.

Highlights were regular watering and earthing up (using homegrown compost) with my kids, and big kid’s tenth birthday party where his friends got to (among other fun activities) harvest the first three bags and take home a potato bag each.

Fond memories of going potato picking with my mum in the Lincolnshire Wolds in the early 1970s.

Thu, 18 Jul 2024 09:01:13 +0100

Big Kids' Sports Day.

Thu, 04 Jul 2024 14:12:45 +0100

My polling station was empty when I went to vote around 1:30 pm.

My nearly ten year old looked at the TWELVE names on the ballot.

“Don’t vote Labour, Dad”.

He looked some more.

“There’s Joe!” he said.

“VOTE FOR JOE!”

Election Fever

Thu, 04 Jul 2024 07:55:00 +0100

My inbox is full of people asking for my opinion and personal experience of this UK general election campaign and who to vote for.

(Un)fortunately, as I sat down to type the words from my fingertips, my four year old decided he needed to express his thoughts instead.

It’s obviously not to scale (he’s only four!), but you can clearly see the Labour supermajority in red, and the Tory wipeout in blue. That they are a ‘uniparty’/two cheeks of the same backside is encapsulated in the red triangle atop the blue square in the centre.

The Green surge in vote share (in green, on the left) isn’t reflected in seats won, of course. In pink, you can see the rise of the independents, black is the Workers Party, and to the far right (in grey) is Reform.

The Lib Dems are an irrelevance (except in the South West) in yellow (this is where we had to stop, as he got very upset at the lack of orange).

Fri, 10 May 2024 13:13:14 +0100

I’m so glad I ate my salad before reading about the Eunuch Maker.

Two Little Ducks

Tue, 07 May 2024 09:37:10 +0100

Along with thirty-odd other parents, I saw my nine year old off on his big adventure this morning, a school trip away to Wales for three nights. Everyone was super excited and nervous, and so were the kids.

The teachers accompanying them were super-organised. We’d had several in-person meetings prior, as well as countless Dojo messages and crumpled lists stuffed into school backpacks telling what to pack and what not to bring.

One teacher checked all the kids into the school hall and gave everyone an identifying number to stick on their top. Another checked in all the sealed and named daily medication bags. A third handed out school prepared packed lunches. A fourth mingled giving out reassurances as required.

The coach arrived on time, and the teacher who handed out the numbered stickers announced that children would go to the bus in groups of five according to the names and numbers he read out - a bit like child bingo. Everyone put their suitcase in the hold and carried their backpack and themselves on to the bus. Finally they were all ready to go!

Mingling teacher then asked if anyone needed to go to the toilet before they set off, and I swear thirty-odd kids all got off the bus and went an did their last minute business before (hopefully) all getting back on board. A quick hand count (“only raise one hand each”), and the coach drove out of the school grounds to waves and sobs from parents.

A few minutes later, little Abdul emerged from the boys toilet… (well, I didn’t hang around to see that, I just hope that didn’t happen).

Thu, 02 May 2024 13:52:19 +0100

A local shop owner asked why big kid wasn’t at school. When I told him it was closed because it was being used as a polling station we got talking about the elections.

He asked me who I voted for, and then he told me he thinks “it’s going to be another hung parliament”.

Thu, 02 May 2024 13:47:09 +0100

Unusually productive morning.

taught big kid how to convert fractions into decimals and percentages and vice versa
voted for Mayor of London, constituency London Assembly Member and London-wide member
bought some fruit and brown baps
collected big kid’s prescriptions and recycled his expired epipens
got six freshly baked garlic naans from my local naan shop
got some decent exercise

Mon, 29 Apr 2024 10:42:12 +0100

Yesterday morning I took my little kid to see his best friend Lorenzo.

Yesterday afternoon I took my big kid to see his best friend Lorenzo.

Both Lorenzos live at number 13 and (perhaps less surprisingly) have Italian mothers.

Our town is 95% BAME.

Fri, 26 Apr 2024 18:08:10 +0100

Nine year old said he wanted to grow some potatoes, so we planted chitted seed potatoes in bags tonight.

He said he didn’t know it was so much work!

Thu, 25 Apr 2024 14:25:24 +0100

4 year old was born four years ago today, funnily enough.

Fri, 15 Mar 2024 12:45:27 +0100

Can’t remember the last time I wore a watch. My nine year old wants it. Timpsons fitted a new battery free of charge.

Journaling

Fri, 15 Mar 2024 11:29:39 +0100

My nine year old started keeping a journal at school so we can read what he’s been doing at school every day. (Replaces the “What did you do at school today?” “Can’t remember” alternative). It’s terrific.

He wanted to know what I’ve been doing, too, so I am reciprocating. I’ve never kept a diary a journal before, but I’ve enjoyed doing it these past couple of days.

It’s fair to say, though, that my lad’s days are far more interesting and fun than mine.

Bath Night

Tue, 27 Feb 2024 19:26:25 +0100

My little kid (now two months from being a not so small four) has gone right off the idea of having a bath at all in recent weeks. It takes two of us to get him in and give him a quick shower every couple of days.

To get him into the bath tonight, I tried something new.

I got on all fours so he could ride me like a horse into the bathroom while I hummed the theme tune to The Lone Ranger. He dismounted, undressed and climbed in without any bother.

Instead of drinking the bathwater, he had three cups of Ribena.

Mon, 12 Feb 2024 11:40:46 +0100

My kids were more interested in my egg timer app, which cock-a-doodle-doos when the eggs are ready, and bashing the egg’s head in than eating them.

Thu, 08 Feb 2024 08:14:56 +0100

Viking dress up day.

Getting Dressed

Mon, 23 Oct 2023 10:00:00 +0100

My three and a half year old is going through that stage where he doesn’t want to get dressed in the morning to go to nursery.

I remember with my oldest lad some mornings I used to be in tears trying to get him ready.

Fortunately, their mum is now working from home and has taken on this task with the little one. My main job now is to remind my nine year old to “sit at the table and eat your breakfast” every two minutes.

Up until a couple of weeks ago, my secondary role was as assistant little kid dresser. I would sit him on my knee with one arm around his chest holding his arms down, while trying to hold a leg or a foot so that his mum could forcibly put on his underpants, socks and trousers without him kicking or pulling them off again.

Mum has now found a much more kid-friendly method, with no tears.

Underpants are now butterflies, fluttering around looking for somewhere to land. Socks, of course, make great foot-puppets. Trousers are caterpillars crawling on a tree branch, and his coat is a big brown bear who just wants a hug.

It’s still exhausting, but it makes the morning a little bit happier for everyone.

Haircut

Fri, 20 Oct 2023 12:55:00 +0100

My nine year old had a trim the other day. No one else can really tell, but his massive afro isn’t quite so massive as it was last week, and certainly a little less knotted.

Should make it easier to get his swimming cap on.

His mum cuts his hair. We took him to a barber’s when he was younger, and I literally had to hold him down while the barber did his work.

I never liked having my hair cut. I used to have very thick curly hair as a boy, although not an afro. My mum used to use what she called thinning scissors, which were kind of like scissors with teeth. It felt like having my hair pulled out.

I think as kids we’re just so much more sensitive to all these things. And my lad’s hair is a core part of his identity. (When he was younger, he used to identify as a lion, so his hair was his mane.)

I managed to overcome my fear of hair cutting as an adult, and even found a reliable barber pre-covid. Since the pandemic, like many others, I bought a pair of clippers and do it myself now.

Catwoman

Wed, 18 Oct 2023 14:48:50 +0100

Last week, we had a visitor.

Catwoman appeared, to save the day!

All the way from leafy Surrey, she turned up in her Porsche 4x4 and catsuit to catch our community cats and take them to the vet “because they have cat flu”.

With her ten year old assistant, and cat trap, she tried for (what seemed like) hours to catch a cat, or a kitten, to no avail.

Community Cats

Thu, 12 Oct 2023 09:05:00 +0100

Just around the corner from my lad’s school by the canal is a cul-de-sac which is home to some “community cats”.

Having spoken to a few of the people who live there, it seems that none of the seven or eight cats and kittens have homes or owners, but are looked after by the people who live there.

So they’re not strays, but they’re not feral, either. They’re community cats.

These cats have been around for as long as I can remember (which admittedly isn’t so long these days), but it’s only in the last few weeks that they have become of growing interest to my lad and some of his friends on their way to and from school.

What started off as simply “aw, look there’s a cat”, has now become a financial investment in daily supplies of cat food, and extra time in the morning and afternoon to stop, feed and stroke Tab, Abby, Popcorn, Tiny, Smoky, Toffee and one or two others I can’t remember the names of.

I made the mistake of sharing a few photos of these cats with my cat obsessed mother, who was very upset that they don’t have warm, dry homes and owners who overfeed them with specially bought and cooked fish. I’ve tried to reassure her that they look healthy (shiny coats), well-fed and looked after.

Play Street

Mon, 09 Oct 2023 12:00:00 +0100

We used to play in the street outside our home as kids growing up in the 70s. In rural Lincolnshire. Of course, it wasn’t a main road, it was the road on our council estate. Pretty much everyone had a car, and many of the houses had their own garage.

In London, or Greater London, it’s generally not safe for kids to play in the street, although we’re lucky where we are that our little cul-de-sac can double-up as a relatively safe enough play area most of the time.

The road next to us is an HGV Access Road, thanks to our local ward councillor and current council leader.

It’s definitely NOT safe for kids to play in at all.

Not until the Water Company came along. For the past two or three weeks, they have closed part of the road where my sons' friends live to clear the pipes of wet wipes, sanitary products, fat and oil.

They’ve dug a massive hole in the road, which I’ve told my nine year old is The Pit of Tartarus. It’s all barricaded off, with heavy machinery, waste skips and various bits of equipment.

So the road is now a no through road, with access only for residents and deliveries.

My kids and their friends have really enjoyed playing out in the street whenever they can, thanks also to our “Indian Summer”.

Of course, there are plenty of drivers who ignore (or don’t see?) the signs telling them the road is closed, and drive down it anyway. My job was mostly to tell them, “No, you can’t drive on the pavement. Can’t you see there are kids playing? Plus, it’s a pavement. This isn’t the Wild West!”

Fortunately, everyone was reasonable enough when challenged to back away, turnaround and drive around following the “diverted traffic” signs.

Thankfully, my job was made redundant by the older kids in the group, who took it upon themselves to relieve me of my onerous duties. They barricaded the pavements with spare cones, and now they marshall the traffic. Much more effective!

Distraction

Wed, 04 Oct 2023 15:25:31 +0100

It’s easy to get distracted.

My nine year old told his mum last night that he was so distracted by thoughts in his head at school that the teacher gave him a blank piece of paper and a pen to “download” everything in his mind.

All he could think about was Super Mario and Nintendo.

Well, it was Maths.

I always liked Maths at school. Mainly because there was no homework, or writing, or revision to do. Either I knew it or I didn’t. And I mostly did, up until A Levels.

My “Pure Maths” teacher told me I would never amount to anything. I guess he was right about that.

My “Applied Maths” teacher tried to make lessons more memorable by telling us a story about a man who grew jellies in his garden. I guess he was right about that.

I got a B grade in O Level Maths. If I’d actually made any kind of effort I could probably have got an A. Things could have been oh so different!

The Swimmer

Mon, 02 Oct 2023 11:17:00 +0100

My nine year old is on week three of his school swimming lessons.

Prior to the first lesson, he was very anxious about getting his hair wet, and getting his nose under the water. This, despite the fact that he absolutely loved the sea and the pool on our holiday last month (and last year, and the year before that).

We bought him a swimming cap, which everyone has to wear in any case. He’s got massive natural afro hair, so the first three swimming caps we bought were too small.

He was very anxious about putting on his swimming cap for the lessons. I said I would help him, as I would be there, but of course, that never happened as they all just marched straight into the changing rooms leaving me alone with my coffee-free café.

Fortunately, one of the teaching staff helps him with his cap.

So he keeps his hair dry. And after the second lesson last week, he came home and informed us that:

he put his nose under the water and survived
he wants to go swimming at the weekend
he wants a swimming “noodle”.

Human Shield

Fri, 29 Sep 2023 11:17:00 +0100

The school asked for a parent to volunteer to accompany the children to their weekly swimming class.

They said I could sit in the café and drink coffee. No swimming required. I volunteered.

I’m basically a fourth chaperone, in addition to the three teaching staff. I simply accompany the children to their swimming class, and back.

The class teacher gave me the two page risk assessment to read on the first morning, and I’ve taken it upon myself to stand either at the back of the line of kids, or in the middle, depending on where there is a gap of supervising adults. I try to act as a human shield on zebra crossings.

That’s it.

While the kids are having their swimming lesson, I sit in the adjacent café (which is permanently closed, by the way) with my distraction-free writing device. I get an hour a week now to write in peace. It’s wonderful.

The Door

Wed, 20 Sep 2023 13:17:36 +0100

The door was old, but it still functioned as a door. It opened and closed, and kept us safe and warm.

As it got older, it got a bit cranky and quirky.

The spring-loaded closing mechanism no longer worked as it should. If you were a small person, a cat or a delivery driver, you had to beware this big old heavy door slamming shut whether you were in, out, or somewhere in between.

Sometimes the lock wouldn’t work at all and you had to hope there was someone inside who would let you in. Mostly, it required a certain knack to unlock it. Which kept kids out, and ensured extra exercise for grown-ups getting up off the sofa to let kids in.

One day, the housing association’s sub-contractors came to take our door away. It was a fire safety hazard, according to a very expensive risk assessment they carried out several years ago in the wake of the Grenfell Fire.

They came, they saw(ed), they removed our old door in five minutes flat, leaving a gaping hole.

The new door is sleek and fancy.

“It’s a like for like replacement,” they said.

“Hmmm… the handle is on the right hand side,” I said.

“And the door opens to the left not the right.”

“I’m very unhappy,” said my wife.

“It’s not magnetic,” said my nine year old.

“Where’s they keyhole?” my three year old didn’t say, but the question must surely have been going through his mind as he tried to unlock the door on the wrong (right) side with the new key.

Sat, 19 Aug 2023 19:57:06 +0100

Signs of the times…

Tue, 08 Aug 2023 17:05:53 +0100

I learnt a new word today.

Big kid complained that little kid “yeeted” his Lego Pikachu.

I had to look it up.

Yeet: to throw especially with force and without regard for the thing being thrown.

Thu, 15 Jun 2023 08:01:10 +0100

Personalised alarm call at 6:30 this morning as my little kid puked on my back.

Sun, 11 Jun 2023 16:01:27 +0100

Morning walk, ostensibly to source the kids' favourite ice lollies. Mission unaccomplished.

Sun, 04 Jun 2023 18:15:46 +0100

Enjoyed plenty of sun and relatively fresh air in our communal garden today. Kids enjoyed the beach tent, but the paddling pool kept deflating (not that we had access to any water to fill it). Cleaned out our tiny “shed”, and put up wooden blinds in the bedroom as well!

Sat, 03 Jun 2023 15:41:54 +0100

Three year old playing Scrabble for the first time. First word he tries to spell is his brother Zion’s name.

Sat, 20 May 2023 09:26:01 +0100

Little kid turned on his Amazon Fire “Kids” tablet.

A game asks him to enter his date of birth to play.

He types in “1234”, et voilà!

Tue, 02 May 2023 16:34:59 +0100

Big kid: “Dad! Dad! I killed the Ender Dragon, and I wasn’t even looking!”

Me: “What are you doing?”

Big kid: “Twerking backwards.”

Sun, 30 Apr 2023 18:28:29 +0100

First salad of the Sum…, er, Spring.

Reading for pleasure

Mon, 24 Apr 2023 22:18:31 +0100

Two years ago my then six year old took what turned out to be a permanent break from the daily fifteen minute Easyread lessons he’d been doing for six months to catch up on his reading. When he started, he couldn’t and wouldn’t read.

At the weekend he asked to go to the library where he chose a book by his favourite author. The following two mornings he read a chapter to himself before breakfast instead of watching TV.

Tonight he read a few pages out loud to me at bedtime, just to show off.

In the words of Bill Hicks:

I’ve noticed a certain anti-intellectualism going around this country, man …

I was in Nashville, Tennessee last week and after the show I went to a Waffle House, right, and I’m sitting there and I’m eating and I’m reading a book. I don’t know anyone, I’m alone.

I’m eating, and I’m reading a book. And this waitress walks over to me: “(tut tut tut) What you readin’ for?”

Wow, I’ve never been asked that! Not what am I reading, but what am I reading FOR?

Well, goddamnit, ya stumped me!

Why do I read?

I guess I read for a lot of reasons and the main one is so I don’t end up being a fucking waffle waitress …

Then this trucker in the next booth gets up, stands over me and goes, “Well, looks like we’ve got ourselves a reader…

Horseshit parade

Thu, 30 Mar 2023 19:09:22 +0100

I visited the Palace of Westminster this week with my big kid on an educational school trip.

It was a very cold, wet and windy day, and we were patriotically under-dressed and sans brollies. We took a good lashing from Mother Nature.

The tour of the Houses of Parliament was cool, dry and stuffy, and the little radio headphones we were given so we could hear better were sub-optimal.

The House of Commons was closed to ordinary commoners like us, but the House of Lords was open as long as we refrained from parking our cold, wet and windy working class bums on our superiors' ‘holier than thou’ red leather benches. Police guards armed with sub-machine guns would forcibly remove any insubordinate eight or nine year olds, and presumably march them straight to the Tower of London (or shoot them dead if they looked like Jean Charles de Menezes.

The children asked a police officer why he carried a gun, and they learned it is to keep them safe. That may be true, but I didn’t feel safer, and there were no buses to flag down.

The children learned that murderous megalomaniac misogynist King Henry VIII is still held in very high regard in these parts, despite beheading two of his six wives, and creating a new religion and laws to divorce two more.

I asked the children how the chamber of the House of Lords made them feel.

Small.

We had lunch across the road outside Portcullis House where we could shelter a little from the wind and rain. Portcullis House is where elected Members of Parliament (MP) and their staff have offices. There were lots of posh-looking mostly white men going in and out and getting frisked inside by more armed guards. Out in the cold, we shared our lunch with toothless and homeless Len, who we found sleeping in the doorway next to us, and looking very wet and cold. Len told us he was “a midget, a dwarf from Burnley” and he’d come to London to sort his life out, but his marriage failed and here he was. He was very pleased to have a homemade tuna mayonnaise sandwich, a juice drink and a satsuma. My wife told me off when we got home, claiming that he will have sold or exchanged the sandwich for drugs.

We waited for our own MP Virendra Sharma to come and meet us as the teachers had arranged. No one knew what he looked like, so they asked me as my lad told them I had met him before (which is true). Then we played a game “Where’s Sharma?” until he appeared. Mr Sharma thanked the kids for coming to meet him, and asked them who wanted his job. His two assistants took photographs.

We ended the day by getting drenched walking up to see Downing Street and the Horse Guards Parade. Downing Street was, of course, guarded by more armed police and totally inaccessible to us ordinary folk, and the parade smelled of horse shit.

Thu, 23 Mar 2023 19:30:00 +0100

Big kid’s current favourite song.

Thu, 23 Mar 2023 19:25:00 +0100

My little lad’s current favourite song.

Top o' the mornin'

Fri, 17 Mar 2023 09:52:00 +0100

Showing my age this morning.

I ‘heard’ my wife say, “My First Vegetables!” as our little boy chose a new TV show to watch.

I ‘saw’ a picture of a broccoli on the screen. I got a broccoli from the fridge (along with some carrots and a cauliflower) to show him and keep it real. 🥦🥬🥕

Turns out the show is called “My First Festivals, Series 2: 4. St Patrick’s Day”, and the picture was a shamrock. ☘️

At least the vegetables were the same colour as the Irish flag! 🇮🇪

Tue, 21 Feb 2023 19:21:00 +0100

Made pancakes, with assistance from kids.

No one liked them except me.

Win-Lose-Win.

Wed, 01 Feb 2023 11:25:00 +0100

Solidarity with all teachers today, especially those striking for better pay.

Eight year old is at home, and refusing to practice for his spelling test tomorrow because he doesn’t want to be a scab.

Tue, 24 Jan 2023 19:52:00 +0100

Big kid with the tree he planted at his school.

Sat, 21 Jan 2023 10:09:23 +0100

Little kid was vomiting every hour from 6pm until midnight last night. Slept until 6am, kept down a piece of toast and a cup of water, then had his breakfast proper. Now has his boots on and ready to go out in sub-zero temperature!

Sat, 21 Jan 2023 00:23:06 +0100

Little lad at the park this morning. He’s had a good day and week, then just before bed tonight started vomiting. Poor little thing. And us.

Tue, 17 Jan 2023 13:38:09 +0100

School caretaker this morning gritted the playground before we all arrived, and helpfully marked the still frozen large puddles with hazard cones so that the kids knew exactly where the best ice patches were for skidding practice.

Mon, 16 Jan 2023 15:09:00 +0100

Big kid woke up with a sore throat and didn’t want to go to school. Gave him paracetamol and told him he should spend the day in bed to recover. Half an hour later he bounced back into the living room with “I’m back”.

Sun, 08 Jan 2023 16:14:00 +0100

HP sauce in the gravy adds a sweetness and edge to the pie. The carrots and leeks roasted together are sweet and sharp, too.

Little kid cried when I gave him some on his plate. He had his favourite chicken pie instead.

Sat, 24 Dec 2022 20:20:45 +0100

Big kid is worried that the small glass of Baileys (use by date 10/2021) might kill Santa…

Wed, 21 Dec 2022 21:25:35 +0100

Cut my hair short with clippers today.

Big kid said, “Why did you cut your hair? I can see your head!”

Tue, 20 Dec 2022 14:01:55 +0100

Unpacking grocery delivery without thinking, and big kid asks, “Is that wrapping paper?!”

Mon, 19 Dec 2022 20:03:00 +0100

Little kid is totally captivated by this delightful story.

youtu.be/DPfClnEK3…

Fri, 16 Dec 2022 20:57:02 +0100

My kid’s teacher gave everyone a book for Xmas, which is an amazing thing to do.

According to my lad, everyone’s book was different…

I think he’s been well and truly rumbled!

Kids' books: Fame! by Alan MacDonald 📚

Thu, 15 Dec 2022 18:59:01 +0100

First mince pie of the season!

Special Xmas Lunch Menu

Wed, 07 Dec 2022 14:24:59 +0100

Starter: Seasonal Word Soup

Main course: Roast Gobbledegook with all the trimmings including sage and EU stuffing balls

Dessert: Traditional lemon biscuit

Christmas Lunch Special Diet Option for Non Special Diet Registered Pupils

Our catering company is offering a Christmas Lunch and for pupils who do not normally use the service and have an allergy but would like to take part in the Christmas lunch the below options are available.

This is only for pupils who have an allergy/intolerance that is covered by the 14 in EU allergen legislation*. If the allergy/ intolerance is outside the EU 14 and the pupil is not registered as a special diet with the catering company, then they must continue to have a packed lunch.

This is designed to safeguard children who have food allergies and intolerances, while allowing then to take part in the Christmas Lunch, and to also support the catering staff involved in the preparation and service of the Christmas Lunch. Please refer to the Dietary Safeguarding Policy for more information.

Please complete the form below by ticking one or more of the options you wish your child to have. Please sign and date to consent you are happy for your child to be served the selected options and return it to the school who will then hand this to the kitchen staff.

Wed, 30 Nov 2022 09:01:46 +0100

All the boys are poorly today. No more fevers, but bad coughs, and none of us has an appetite. Should be a fun day!

Tue, 29 Nov 2022 20:04:26 +0100

Christmas tree and lights up. Boys did most of the tree decorating. Much quicker and less stressful than previous years.

Tue, 29 Nov 2022 13:22:02 +0100

Kids' stuff: https://davidmarsden.info/2022/11/29/kids-stuff.html

Kids' stuff

Tue, 29 Nov 2022 13:18:33 +0100

I have successfully replicated this study at home, and can attest to its reliability and validity.

An ethnographic study in Madrid charted the gradual “take over” by the child (accoutrements like toys, furniture, and special foods, and the removal of “dangerous” or breakable items) of the domicile, leaving less and less “adult” territory (Poveda et al. 2012).'

The Anthropology of Childhood: Cherubs, Chattel, Changelings by David F. Lancy 📚

Tue, 29 Nov 2022 11:02:19 +0100

Both boys are staying at home today. Big kid bounced into school yesterday after recovering from two days of fever, cough and sore throat, but didn’t eat his lunch. Think he’s just tired. Little kid has a raging temperature, but eating ok.

Mon, 28 Nov 2022 18:25:44 +0100

Got soaked the skin collecting big kid from school (who, it turns out, ate and drank nothing all day…). Last time I got this wet was on my way to record this interview for the BBC…

Mon, 28 Nov 2022 13:48:05 +0100

Big kid better, back at school. Little one sat on my lap chuntering away with a fever.

Sun, 27 Nov 2022 12:27:37 +0100

Little one is a good few months behind with his talking. Putting the grocery shopping away this morning, he spotted something*, went over to Mum and said, “Come on!” Took her to the object of interest in the kitchen and said, “What’s that?!”

*🍫

Sun, 27 Nov 2022 11:25:23 +0100

Strep throat and scarlet fever reported at my son’s school. That might explain Kid A’s sore throat, cough and temperature…

Sat, 26 Nov 2022 10:10:32 +0100

Kids rearranged all the furniture last night to recreate the space rocket from Wallace and Gromit’s ‘A Grand Day Out’. Zion is wearing his space suit and helmet, and holding some space poop, which can heal wounds

Sat, 26 Nov 2022 10:02:49 +0100

It’s started.

Sat, 26 Nov 2022 09:35:06 +0100

Little one ate his usual two Weetabix for breakfast. Now he’s sat on my lap helping himself to my cornflakes.

Fri, 25 Nov 2022 22:45:44 +0100

An hour after both kids are usually asleep, they’re both still up and currently rearranging all the furniture in the living room.

Fri, 25 Nov 2022 19:30:23 +0100

TV dinner.

Fri, 25 Nov 2022 17:17:59 +0100

Religious leader phoned my lad’s school today to feedback on their visit yesterday.

I have never met children who were so knowledgeable about my faith.

Fri, 25 Nov 2022 12:54:55 +0100

Little one went for a blood test at the hospital this morning. Paediatric outpatient ward was lovely - calm and welcoming - and he was seen straight away. Nurse was brilliant and my boy was as good as gold. In and out with no fuss at all. NHS at its best.

Thu, 24 Nov 2022 17:44:19 +0100

Lad has returned safe and sound from a school trip to a religious centre. Asked what he enjoyed most about the day he said:

There was no learning!

Wed, 23 Nov 2022 19:07:08 +0100

These boots were made for splashing.

Tue, 22 Nov 2022 04:02:02 +0100

Five hours sleep is enough for my two and a half year old, for now at least, so he’s sat on my lap chitter-chattering away while eating hot buttered toast and drinking cold milk.

Sun, 20 Nov 2022 10:23:00 +0100

Making pizza today, so defrosting some fresh yeast.

Meantime, it’s breakfast. Egg and home fries for me. Weetabix for the little one, and bagel for the big one.

Big one is in the bathroom feeling nauseous because of the smell of smoked paprika.

Sat, 19 Nov 2022 12:03:08 +0100

Kids did these paintings with Mum this morning while I had a lie-in.

Fri, 18 Nov 2022 13:16:01 +0100

Early lunch with my little one. Pie, chips and mushy peas!

Sun, 13 Nov 2022 11:53:46 +0100

My eight year old has watched so many US kids' TV shows that he now self-identifies as American.

Sat, 04 Oct 2014 22:30:00 +0100

12 week old son just laughed properly for the first time. Now he can’t stop.

Tue, 12 Aug 2014 22:25:00 +0100

Baby son is one month old. Feels like we’ve had him five minutes and forever.

Whatever happened to... Jimmy Carter?

Sun, 18 May 2014 00:00:00 +0100

A little under three years ago I eulogised about Jimmy Carter (the footballer, not the peanut farmer) in a musical response to 20lb Sounds eulogising about Jimmy Carter (the peanut farmer, not the footballer).

I wondered why Dan, the band’s Liverpool-supporting singer-songwriter, had neglected the opportunity to write about a player who is widely acknowledged (from a cursory search of fan forums) as one of Liverpool’s worst ever signings?

Two years later (thanks to the wonder of the internet, and possibly also the wonder of Doug Whitfield and his Music Manumit Podcast), I received a reply:

Around this time, I also received another reply:

(For those of you of a technical and/or inquisitive nature, I’ve posted screenshots of these comments because I lost the ability to link to them as actual comments on the original blog post during one of my many blog migrations.)

Now, I don’t know if this is the real Dan Lynch or if it is Doug Whitfield pretending to be Dan to somehow boost his podcast ratings, but who cares?

I tracked Jimmy down and found a recent interview with him on the Millwallant podcast, in which Jimmy ‘tells us what it’s like to be a professional footballer and also demonstrates his genuine knowledge and passion for the game.’ I found it really quite insightful, all the more so coming from a player who most people have forgotten, never heard of, or so easily disparage based on his ‘failures’ at Liverpool and Arsenal.

If you prefer to read, there’s a similar interview on the Arsenal website.

What got me obsessing about a fairly obscure ex-Millwall, Liverpool, Arsenal and Portsmouth footballer again? Well, Dan’s band 20lb Sounds took five quid off me in time for Xmas 2012 on the promise of an album release in February 2013. Since then there have been a few updates about how the album would be ready ‘next month’, ‘in time for Xmas’ and how much Dan and the boys were enjoying their holidays in the sun. But no album. Until now. A year later. But only for backers, for the time being (see footnote 1). I had a listen this morning, and, really, it sounds great. Well done, to all concerned.

So I decided to have another go at my own take on 20lb Sounds’ Jimmy Carter. I could have teased and tormented you all by not releasing it for another two years, and only to people who had given me money to do so, but I’m not like that.

So, without further ado, and introducing MC Jimmy ‘The Cartz’ Carter rapping an intro (footnote 2), and Richard ‘Smash it!’ Keys rapping the chorus-to-verse bridges (footnote 3) as part of his rehabilitation and bid to replace Richard Scudamore as chief executive of the Premier League, here’s my new, updated easy listening version of Jimmy Carter:

The new 20lb Sounds album is now available to all!
Jimmy Carter rap intro lifted from the Millwallant podcast interview somewhere around the 49 minute mark.
Richard Keys, for it is he, smashed and grabbed from Millwall 2-0 Sheffield Wednesday, (old) Division One, 23-9-1989.

Sun, 16 Mar 2014 23:12:00 +0100

Teaching REM’s The One I Love to 7 yr old.

Had to change the words to ‘The One-Eyed Bug’.

Red missed: how Stewart Houston and Gordon Hill made me angry and depressed

Sun, 12 Feb 2006 01:00:00 +0100

United’s FA Cup tie with Wolves last weekend and Auntie’s ‘flashback’ (Rio Ferdinand?), reminded me to finally get around to posting a few of my own memories, originally prompted by George Best’s sad demise in November.

George had quit United long before I can first remember watching them. But Best remained an important part of my United life - the school chant was “Georgie Best, Superstar, He walks like a woman and he wears a bra!” - and Dad would always remind me that whatever “my” United did they were never as good as Best, Law an Charlton and the rest of Busby’s Babes.

I can see what he meant, now! And he did concede that watching Cantona, Kanchelskis and Giggs at their peak was probably just as exciting.

Anyway, 1974-5 season was my first, when United were in the old League Division Two. I didn’t understand the significance of the different divisions then, just enjoyed the BBC’s and Yorkshire TV’s occasional match coverage when we took on the regional challengers of the time - the big guns of York City, Rotherham United, Hull City and Sheffield Wednesday, if my memory serves me.

That year we won the D2 title and returned to the top division.

We then got to three out of the next four Cup Finals (when that meant something), winning just once (but against Treble-chasing Liverpool).

Six years after we had won the European Cup with Best, Law, Charlton and the rest we had teams comprising (as I remember them):

1 Alex Stepney, then Paddy Roche, then Gary Bailey
2 Alex Forsyth, then Jimmy Nichol
3 Stuart Houston, then Arthur Albiston (who popped up on Five Live recently)
4 Gerry Daly, then Brian Greenhof, then Sammy McIlroy
5 Brian Greenhoff, then Gordon McQueen
6 Martin Buchan (c)
7 Steve Coppell
8 Sammy McIlroy, then Jimmy Greenhoff
9 Stuart Pearson, then Joe Jordan
10 Lou Macari
11 Gordon Hill, then Mickey Thomas
12 David McCreery, then Ashley Grimes

Stepney was a legend, the last of Sir Matt’s European Champions. Bailey was talented - I remember a couple of full-stretch diving saves he made in the 5-3 home defeat by West Brom….Houston was the first person I’d ever heard tell someone else to fuck off. That he did it in response to baiting from a total stranger on the terraces was even more startling to me then.

Ever since I always had a sense that Houston was quite evil. I’m sure he isn’t! It reminds me, too, of the televised live England game when Ray Wilkins told the (Uruguyan?) ball boy to “give me the fucking ball”. Not to mention when Eric jumped into the crowd feet first!

McIlroy was ‘the last of the Busby Babes’ (probably also ‘the new George Best’), but never quite managed to live up to it, despite being a great servant to the club. I was really sad when he had to leave not long after Bryan Robson and Remi Moses arrived a few years later. Not long before he moved on he scored a fantastic solo goal against Wolves.

Buchan was the ever-dependable rock and heartbeat of the team. Scored a couple of last minute
equalisers, drives from outside the penalty area, one at home to Everton?

Coppell had an economics degree apparently. Probably would make a good manager one day…. Career cut short by injury.

Pearson was an up-and-at-them, no fear, old-fashioned centre forward, replaced by Joe Jordan, an up-and-at-them, no fear, old-fashioned centre forward with no front teeth. Wonderful!

Macari was the mischief-maker-in-chief, apparently ran a chip shop outside the ground and provided the role model for free-scoring (Celtic) strikers to sign for United, dry up and move back into midfield….

Gordon Hill’s demise was a source of childhood grief for me, which even now I find difficult to understand. Lee Sharpe followed suit more recently. Thomas was a cheeky-chappy, work-hard, play-hard type with silly hair.

McCreery was our not-so-supersub and Grimes was never a United player, surely?

Which brings me back to the current team/squad. Who are the Ashley Grimeses of today? Van der Sar looks a bit like Paddy Roche, but so did Roy Carroll. We need a world class keeper, still.

Gary Neville will be looking forward to the Liverpool rematch in the Cup, no doubt!

Wes Brown might still come through as genuine class, but realistically he’s always going to be a squaddie. Same applies to Mikael Silvestre. Gabriel Heinze has been missed and I expect he will partner Rio in central defence next season, that’s if Patrice Evra comes through at left back.

Then there’s Vidic, O’Shea, Richardson, Bardsley….

Who will replace Roy Keane? That’s probably the wrong question. Football’s a team game and the best teams don’t rely on one player, but on individuals gelling as units within the team. United at their best could win without Keane (and his central midfield ‘unit’ partner Scholes, as they did in Barcelona) or Cantona or Beckham.

As a TV-highlights-and-live-radio-only kind of fan I’ve seen and heard Alan Smith, Darren Fletcher, John O’Shea all do well in there. Let’s hope Scholesy can return and even that Giggsy is allowed to play out his last years through the middle.

Out wide we have Ronaldo, Park, Solskjaer and Richardson - we need reinforements there, too.

Up front we look strong with Rooney, Ruud, Saha (when fit) and Rossi, although there’s always room for improvement.

What’s our first XI look like now? I don’t think Sir Alex knows, which is half the problem. Mine, assuming everyone is injury-free:

1 Howard - may as well give him his second chance, now
2 Neville - no brainer (the choice, not Gary)
3 Heinze (leave him at full back for now)
4 O’Shea (I’d like to see him given a run in the ‘holding’ role)
5 Ferdinand (with O’Shea holding the defensive cover in midfield this would free up Rio to be more adventurous)
6 Brown (he’s fit, playing well, give him a run)
7 Ronaldo (just stick with him)
8 Rooney (start him wide left, but let him play wherever he sees fit like Eric did)
9 Saha (start as central striker)
10 Van Nistelrooy
11 Giggs (central midfield role, playmaker, can swap with Rooney and Saha
12 Scholes (back up for Wayne or swap with Saha or Ruud for a less gung-ho approach!)

2nd XI:
1 Van der Sar
2 Bardsley
3 Evra
4 Fortune
5 Vidic
6 Silvestre
7 Park
8 Fletcher
9 Smith
10 Rossi
11 Richardson
12 Solskjaer
13 Pique

Did I miss anyone?